Robyn's Art

New Address

2011-01-02T14:57:00.000-08:00

A new year, a new life, a new outlook and new digs. Please find me here: http://anempoweredlife.wordpress.com/

Flow

2011-01-02T09:05:00.000-08:00

After a whole lot of deliberation, my word for 2011 is FLOW. In 2010, I had a whole lot of speed bumps. And despite the speed bumps, I showed my photography at 3 local venues, entered several photography contests, developed an online Artist Empowerment Class and taught it twice. I also began on a path that was shown to me throughout this year.

There will be a lot of changes coming soon. One being switching this blog over to wordpress. I will make sure there are plenty of ways for you to find me though, and I do hope you'll stick with me through it!

What is your word for 2011? What changes do you have planned?

My Birthday Wishes

2010-12-30T05:42:00.000-08:00

Today is my 39th birthday and it's been a roller coaster of a year. I've stretched my wings and learned so many things about myself. I've even come so much closer to my true north and my calling in life.

My 38th year was filled with grief, but that was countered with so much growth. 2010 had it's definite ups and downs. And through it all I learned and grew.

My birthday wishes are for all of us.

I wish us peace this year.

I wish for love and happiness and growth.

I wish that we can hold our tongue and be kind in the face of attack.

And that we all have a strong support system for the difficult times.

I wish for the courage to reach out both TO help others and FOR help at every turn.

I wish for the spirit of giving to grow in us all.

I wish for the wisdom to look back on our trials with gratitude.

And also the wisdom to love everyone in our lives.

I wish for us all to be accepting of others regardless of their differences.

I wish for this year to be the best one yet, and for the years to only make us better.

Ducks In a Row

2010-12-28T05:39:00.000-08:00

Isn't it funny how life changes your vision? This is how it works with me, anyway... I get a vision of what it is I want to do. It's a broad spectrum at first. Then, as I pay attention to the signs, it gets focused in.

I have been planning, getting my ducks in a row. And the focus has been becoming clearer and clearer to me that phase 1 of my plans absolutely must help people with grieving. So off I go.

Phase 1 of my 2011 plan will help people with their grieving process, and it will be unveiled by February. Phases 2- infinity will be carried out afterwards.

2010 taught me more about grieving than anything else. I've seen all the ways people grieve. I've seen grief empower people. I've seen it destroy them. I've seen people drown in it, with no-one reaching out to help them. That just isn't acceptable to me. Grief weakens a person. It can destroy their foundation. I want to give them tools to build that foundation back up. To help them trudge through the muck and come out the other side stronger than before. In 2011, that is what I will do. I will help them to not only survive their grief, but learn from it.

I sound awfully sure, don't I? I am. Not cocky... just extremely familiar with grief AND in my ability to help. I've been paying attention.

Are you grieving? How can I help you?

Seeking Clarity

2010-12-26T20:38:00.000-08:00

As 2010 starts winding down, I'm led to take inventory. I do this periodically throughout the year. Often in the Spring, always in the Fall, and at New Year's. I look back to see where I've been, and I look forward to see where I need to be. Then the planning begins. I do a lot of planning.

Sunday, I had a 12 hour road trip. That is a LOT of thinking time. And I recalled an episode of the Big Bang Theory in which the boys created a liquid that also acted as a solid. It was simply cornstarch and water. But it flowed. And when it wasn't flowing, it was solid. And I realized that I need to be *that*. I need to be solid. But I need to readily flow.

So... with flow in mind... I'm questioning the path I've set into motion. I'm wondering now if I've been true to myself. I think I have... but I'm wondering if I've allowed for the flow...

This week, because of my inventory taking, I believe, it will all become clear.

Merry Christmas

2010-12-25T08:59:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas Everyone! I'm feeling a bit sad this morning, thinking of family member's we have lost. But also thankful for the time that I had with them. This photo was taken by my Dad, who loved the sunrise and sunset. I ache to call him today and tell him Merry Christmas. I do know, however, that he is in my heart, and that he is alwsys with me. So, Merry Christmas, Dad.

I hope that your day is all that you had hoped it would be! What special traditions do you have? How do you honour those you love?

Looking Back

2010-12-23T11:27:00.000-08:00

Looking back, 2010 was an extremely tough year. I lost my father in February, my stepmom in March, and my sister in law in September. Through my grief I blogged, though sometimes intermittently. I learned to lean on those around me, and was completely supported by love extended to me.

My father's funeral was such a beautiful tribute to a wonderful man. My ex husband and his girlfriend drove about 1800 miles EACH way to take my sons to their grandfather's funeral. I still am amazingly thankful for that and my heart swells just thinking about it.

I struggled to find my self without Dad. I still am struggling with that. But I've settled in, and know that my daily life includes honouring Dad. I strive to do my best. I push myself. I remember self-care and staying away from crazymakers.

But 2010 wasn't totally about all the lessons I learned through grief. It was about finding my true north. It was about stretching my wings and FLYING. In fact, in 2010, I learned to soar... and I'm pretty sure that 2011 will be about stretching my wings even more. After all, I have Dad and my amazing tribe to guide me along the way. How could I go wrong?

Expect Miracles

2010-12-21T08:13:00.000-08:00

In addition to being fierce and tender... 2010 taught me to EXPECT MIRACLES. So many miracles have happened directly to me in 2010. In 2010, I was able to create an online Artist Empowerment Class, and offered it twice, both times to amazing groups of women! I was able to jump into making leather journals, stretching my wings. I got out of a marriage that wasn't a good fit and am creating the perfect life for myself. So many miracles.

I discovered how important an online community of women is in 2010. For me, that is a huge miracle. I've always been a loner, always the strong one. And now, I honestly don't know what I'd do without these women. At some point, I'd love to meet these women, be able to hug them in real life, and honestly, I think that will happen. Perhaps not in 2011. But it will happen.

My brother lost the love of his life, to an unexpected death. I put a shout out to my online community and raised enough money for gifts for his 3 kids for Christmas and for money for the family. What a huge miracle. But it didn't stop there, the tribe all sent gifts to the kids AND Christmas cards were sent to them from around the world.

Through all of this, I have discovered my true calling in life and will have the means and the support to dive in this coming year. What a miracle that is! These are all so huge to me. But there are smaller miracles every moment. I wake up in the morning, have my coffee on my deck, look out to my view and it's a miracle. I live a life that is authentic to me, and will be even more so in 2011.

What miracles have happened to you in 2010?

What 2010 Has taught Me

2010-12-17T06:14:00.001-08:00

2010 Started with a bang. I had huge plans and tons of motivation. I had a plan. And I dove right in. I talked to Dad several days a week and he was my biggest cheerleader. I was completely enamoured with photography and with the connection it gave Dad and I. I entered photo contests, and I was constantly out with my camera, getting awesome and different shots. Fast forward to early, early morning on Feb. 13. I received a call from my brother that Dad was non-responsive, but the EMT's were working on him. A hour or so later, he called back. He said "I'm sorry, but he didn't make it." I crashed hard. Part of my world was gone. The next month or so was a blur. His funeral was amazing, such an outpouring of love from the entire community. I don't know if this is just the way it's done in Small Town USA, but people came out of their businesses on main street to see the funeral procession and pay respects. They stood there, solemn, on the sidewalks...

Since that day, I have only been out with my camera maybe 5 times. The connection is not there, though I would like to get it back. I began to bounce back from the loss a bit about 3 weeks after Dad died. I was spending hours on the phone with his wife of 28 years, hearing lots of stories about Dad. His love for Benny Hill, for instance. I was so thankful for that connection, because it was a tie to Dad. Then, 28 days after Dad died, she passed away as well. The doctors said it was from a broken heart. And the connection was lost. My heart spun out of control again, and I was so tender.

I have never been one to cry much. But 2010 has made me more tender. It has also made me connect to people I wouldn't have before. It has made me reach out to those that are hurting. It has taught me more than I ever cared to know about grief.

Oh, one other very important thing happened in the early part of the year. Shortly after Dad's death, a loved family member, but known crazymaker did the unthinkable and waged an attack on his character to me. Love, grief, death and struggles made me fierce. I would not tolerate such an attack and so far it's been unforgivable. So... tender and fierce. Odd combination, huh?

At the end of September, I got the call that my brother's wife had passed away in her sleep. Days before her 32nd birthday, leaving 3 children and my dear brother. Seems we weren't done learning about grief. I see the struggles Tony is going for and my heart breaks. I am thousands of miles away, so all I can do is talk to him, be there for him. I cry often now, thinking of his broken heart. Thinking of his 13 year old daughter who reminds me so much of myself. And I would claw anyone to pieces if they hurt them.

2010 has taught me that life is fleeting. It has taught me that love is worth fighting for. It has taught me that sometimes fierce and tender live in the same body. It has taught me that there is some behavior I simply will not tolerate. It was a rough year, indeed. But the lessons were plentiful.

I am Enough

2010-12-16T05:34:00.000-08:00

I struggle with enough. Not *having* enough, I always know that I have everything that I need. I struggle with BEING enough. I am a very driven person, and that is ok. But what is not ok is my feelings that I need to be more to everyone. That I am letting people down. I have been feeling that a lot lately with one particular person. Someone that I've been in disagreement with. In all reality, this person is angry at his/her circumstances and is projecting it onto my life. And they seem to have the power.

It is time though. I am enough. My life is amazing. And I will not let this person affect how I feel any longer. The power is mine, this is my life and I can hold my head with pride at how I am living it.

So. Today I will be repeating things to myself. I am enough. I. Am. Enough. My life is mine. I hold the reins.

What are you struggling with?

Another A-ha Moment

2010-12-15T05:32:00.000-08:00

So... without exposing too much, I will say that I have had this ongoing argument with someone in my life. This argument is about the future of someone else. We both love and cherish this person. And we both are absolutely convinced that our viewpoint is right. The only one not drawn into the argument is the 3rd person. Hard to follow, I know.

Yesterday was one of those days. Arguing, each of us beating our head on a brick wall. And I felt like crap all day afterwards. I thought all day about how I could ease this situation, knowing from experience that I will not be heard.

Last night, after I went to bed, I had a complete A-ha moment. I will stop participating in these discussions. They don't accomplish anything anyway, except creating bad feelings between me and this person. I don't like the bad feelings, so no more talks. Can it really be that easy? I think it can. Why didn't I think of that before? I was caught up in my own righteousness, that's why.

So... no more arguments. And arguments can't occur with just one participant. Ahhhhhhh.... breathing.

Tis the Season For Crazymakers

2010-12-14T05:34:00.000-08:00

The holidays have a way of bringing crazymakers in close proximity of us... even if we've more or less gotten them out of our lives. The holidays also have a way of making each of us into a crazymaker, spinning out of control with busy-ness and stress. So, I'd say the chances are that you will have some contact with crazymakers real soon... and you may become one.

I have some advice for this... First of all, at those family gatherings, where you have limited contact with a crazymaker, do NOT overshare. You can see them nagging, being negative about everything, don't give them a chance to know your dreams, your goals, or things you have going on. Don't give them the ammo to attack you.

Be polite, talk about the weather, talk about something on television. Don't let them into your life or your heart.

Don't sell out others to the crazymakers. Don't join in their talk about crazy Aunt Mary. If they persist, mention something nice about whoever they are attacking and change the subject.

Try to stay away from topics where they can attack someone (even something as inane as the turkey can start an attack on the cook, the tree could bring lots of attacks about the tacky decorator.

Go back to weather, a tv show, something you read in the newspaper.

If nothing else, allign yourself with someone who is not a crazymaker. Go hang out with "Crazy Aunt Mary" who always has a smile on her face and only nice things to say. You may make a new friend.

My Dad's last words to me were "Stay away from them crazymakers." Feel free to borrow that if you need it!

An Epiphany

2010-12-12T19:53:00.000-08:00

The other day I was talking to one of my tribe... telling her that I was struggling with balance. I was lamenting to her about how I have to help people, but that I also struggle with finding a balance between that and doing all I need to do for myself.

Guess what she told me. She said "Get over it, you are a nurturer."

And it was like a spark went off. All this time, I've been swimming against the current, struggling, struggling, struggling with finding a balance. With changing this zebra's stripes.

Once her words sunk in, I breathed deep. I realized that I don't need to find a balance. I do what I do. I help others. And in the process, that fills my well. What an epiphany.

What AHA moments have you had recently?

The Power of Women

2010-12-10T05:36:00.000-08:00

In life, I have always been a loner. Always self-sufficient. My first husband was military and I became that way out of necessity. I had to be able to run the household without a hitch if he got deployed. Every aspect fell on my shoulders several times, from child-rearing to bills and moving household. I am not complaining at all, that is the life of a military wife. After our first move (there were many), I stopped making friends so readily because it was so hard to say goodbye.

But a shift has been occuring in recent years. I now have a tribe of amazing women that I chat with, brainstorm with, vent to, lean on. Everything happens in it's own season... and it's time for me to not be a loner. My tribe is comprised of budding authors, jewelry designers, knitting and crocheting gurus, small business owners, mothers, wives, real women. And did I mention they are amazing?

Someone posted on facebook yesterday a picture of a Starbucks cup that said something how there is a special place in hell for women who refuse to help one another. I can't find the exact quote this morning, but I so get that. I am learning the power of women. And from my recent experiences, if a group of women puts their hearts and heads together, there are NO limits to what can be done.

Today I am so thankful for my tribe. As I am everyday. They enrich my life and all in it. Thank you ladies! You Rock!

What are you thankful for today?

Don't forget my sale at www.robynsart.etsy.com put BLOG20 as your coupon code to get 20% off!

A Sale

2010-12-09T05:31:00.000-08:00

I woke up very tired today... have been dragging all week. But last night... last night I had an amazing brainstorming session with my Soul Sister. And I have so many plans to move forward with. Some of the plans cost money though. So, I'm having a sale in my etsy shop. Use the coupon code BLOG20 to receive 20% off your entire order!

I am percolating, and I love that feeling! 2011 is going to be amazing, so many exciting things coming to fruition!

What do you have in store for 2011?

Daily Karma

2010-12-08T05:34:00.000-08:00

I receive an email called Daily Karma. It always gives me food for thought. Today's Daily Karma said:
"Be aware of What you fill your Head with"

I am pretty good at keeping all of my negative self talk out of my head. Pretty good when I'm not pms'ing. But while thinking about that, I realize that I don't filter quite as well as I could. I let hurt from others in quite readily. I let negativity both about others and from others in. I am working on this.

Part of my issue is a certain environment I am in. And I'm working on that.

I learned long ago that I'm a work in progress. And that's ok. Baby steps are ok, as long as I am moving forward. The speed forward doesn't matter. Just. Gotta. Keep. Moving. Forward.

What things do you fill your head with that you need to work on?

Juggling

2010-12-07T05:29:00.000-08:00

Besides being a mom, a cook, an employee, a friend, a lover, a writer, a coach... I think the most important thing that I am lately is a juggler. I am perfecting my juggling... well, not perfecting, I am sure. But I am getting to where it's not quite so exhausting.

I am back to carrying a notebook with me everywhere I go and making lots of notes. That frees up my brain for creative endeavours.

What do you do to make juggling easier and more effective?

I have Clarity....

2010-12-06T05:24:00.000-08:00

One thing about me that I've been noticing more and more is that I have clarity when other's are concerned. I can troubleshoot issues for others all day and all night. I can see a light at the end of the tunnel for anyone, and help them find a clear path to reach that light.

But when it comes to me, my vision gets a bit more clouded. I can absolutely see the light at the end of the tunnel, but the path gets a little cloudy. I am working on that.

What does it mean to have such a clear clarity for others but not so clear for myself?

This week will be about luminating that path for myself. About putting one foot in front of the other to move beyond the shadows.

Thankful

2010-12-02T05:22:00.000-08:00

I am doing much better today. I don't think the struggle is quite over, but I didn't have nightmares last night, so I'm claiming that as a victory!

And tonight is a tribe chat... re-filling my well in so many ways. I've known that this struggle was temporary, but when you are in the thick of it, that is hard to remember. Luckily, I have some amazing people in my life to remind me.

Today I'm thankful for a break in the war. I'm thankful for my tribe, my family, my ability to keep my head above water, with and without life supports.

What are you thankful for?

Slipping

2010-12-01T05:34:00.000-08:00

I am almost all the way off my headache meds... and I feel like I'm slipping into an abyss. I will make it through to the other side, but right now, I'm exhausted... have been waking up screaming or crying the past two nights...

None of this is like me, and I have to step back from the situation to see that it's just the medication. I have to buckle my seatbelt for the rest of the ride. I know that I will be ok, but right now I'm tired. So very tired.

What I do know is that this will be all over in a week or so... and I can start to feel normal again. Then there will be no more night terrors. No more feeling like I don't belong in this skin, this life. No more chemicals in my system screwing with me.

I'm so thankful for my tribe... for all the support I've been given... I'll make it through this... I just have to ride it out.

Shifts

2010-11-30T05:34:00.000-08:00

I am becoming very well versed in shifts. Personal shifts. I remember studying plate tectonics in school, and this journey reminds me of that. I am often surprised at the shifts occurring. Yesterday, for instance, a kinder, gentler Robyn appeared at work. Work is the one place that I am most guarded. Most un-authentic. But a merge is occurring.

I am receiving clarity in so many areas. Areas that I had not even thought that I would receive it in. Work. Planning for the future. There are major shifts going on, and I'm riding it out, quite happily.

At the close of every year, I take inventory, and I make plans for the upcoming year. This year is no different... and vastly different. It has been an amazing, heart-wrenching, huge growth kind of year. I could have been devastated by the events, instead, I have grown. I have faced each and every challenge and worked my way through it. I feel like I'm approaching 2011 with a much clearer path, with a knowledge that I've been working towards this particular year for a very long time.

*raising my glass* Here's to walking through the fire, riding out the shifts, and receiving clarity.

Trials

2010-11-29T05:31:00.000-08:00

I made a big realization the other night about myself. I was helping someone, coaching them. And I said to them that they will get to a point where they are thankful for the trials in life, because it will help them to grow.

The realization was that I believe this to my core. I have trials, and I struggle. But I am thankful for them because I have been a witness to the fact that during those times (and immediately after) is when the bulk of growth occurs.

This has been the most difficult year of my life, with so many family deaths. I have grieved so much for them. At the same time, I have become utterly familiar with the stages of grief, making me more able to help others through it.

Every single thing has made me the person I am.

Fighting a Battle

2010-11-23T05:35:00.000-08:00

I have had chronic headaches for 17 years. In that 17 years, I've maybe had a month of days without a headache. So, 3 years ago, I was put on a med to help me to not have them. After rounds of tests, and finding no reason, yes, I've had my head examined :-). The med never got rid of them, and I've quit it cold turkey several times, spinning me into a dark abyss. So I would go back on it.

I am in the process of weaning off of the med, now, slowly. And there is a view of the dark abyss, but I am staying out of there, moving slowly around the edge of it to pass it.

So... if I seem a little 'off' or maybe short, or cranky, that is why. I'm fighting a battle. But I'm doing it the smart way and I'll move past it. And soon, the real me will be back.

Big News! Lots Upcoming!

2010-11-21T07:31:00.000-08:00

Many of you have taken my Artist Empowerment Class, and you know that there is an Artist Empowerment Class, Part 2 coming up in the new year!!! However, for those of you who haven't taken part 1, I'm offering one on one coaching with you to work you through class 1 and get you ready for class 2. Contact me at robynsart@live.com and I will send you an information sheet, with the rate and all the details!

My class members have been moved by the class... and yes, extremely empowered. Please see their input on the link above. I can't wait to see you all in my part 2 class... Let's get you to the same point they are!!!

Inspired

2010-11-17T18:47:00.000-08:00

This quote greeted me on facebook yesterday.

‎"When you feel inspired, what appeared to be risky becomes a path you feel compelled to follow. The risks are gone because you're following your bliss, which is the truth within you." ~ Dr. Wayne W. Dyer

I stand here before you today to testify to you that there is nothing more true than this quote. I have some huge things I am working on. And I should be scared sh*tless. But I'm not because I am *so* inspired!!!

I'll reveal more soon... and I call this photo "The God Cloud" do you like it?

With Help From My Friends

2010-11-17T05:35:00.000-08:00

I've written a post before about how important my friends are to me. Yesterday I posted on facebook that I need to have a gathering of my tribe, my girlies... I have some really important things to discuss and there are times the tribe is the only way to move through something, past it, to the other glorious side.

I was telling another friend about it and she was like 'you have a tribe?' I've never used that term before, but it's as good a term as any, doncha think? Most of these women I have never met in real life. And I really don't think it lessens the value of the friendship a bit.

I've met these amazing women on twitter, facebook, etsy. They are the most real people that I know. They are smart, articulate, motivated, thoughtful. Overall amazing :-)

So... I am getting by... with a little help from my friends. And I'd have it no other way!

Every Single Thing

2010-11-14T19:25:00.000-08:00

I am embarking on the biggest, most rewarding journey of my life. And I was struck with the realization today. What I realized is this:

Every. Single. Thing. So. Far. In. My. Life. Has. Brought. Me. To. Where. I. Am. Today.

Amen, I say, after this hits me like a lightning bolt.

Every ounce of grief has taught me compassion for the human condition.

Being the caregiver for a bedridden mother taught me the same, along with perserverance.

The knowledge that even though my grandparents were very strict, bordering on abusive, the knowledge that even though they dealt with me with a strong hand, that they loved me absolutely and did the best job they were equipped to do.

Being a job developer for developmentally delayed adults taught me how to think outside the box and create opportunities.

Being the administrator of an alzheimer's unit taught me how to deal with staff and encourage them to perform their job duties well.

Working for a temp agency exposed me to jobs I never would have considered previously. Working the job I've now held for 5 years has helped me learn so many things.

My post-marital relationship with my first husband, and the amazing co-parenting we've done has taught me about fighting against the odds. Even my chaotic, drama filled 2nd marriage taught me so much about how people deal in certain circumstances, and how interpersonal relationships are affected by factors both internal and external.

Every single thing has brought me to where I am. And for that, I am thankful!

A few Steps Back

2010-11-12T05:42:00.000-08:00

I see my goal, can practically reach out and touch it. And I want to zoom forward at the speed of light. I mean, I am so ready. But things take time. And things take money. And I spin my wheels in anticipation of the amazing outcome.

I may not have to wait as long as I'm thinking right now... I need to have some conversations with some amazing people. I am on my way, and this new life I have been carving for myself is already wondrous beyond my belief.

What are you working towards? Are you running into speed bumps? Brick walls?

Steps Closer

2010-11-11T05:49:00.000-08:00

I am inching forward towards my goal, and at this point, it should be a reality within the year. I can see it, totally see it as a reality. Another thing I can see is Dad being proud of me. That's a good feeling.

I am working towards a more authentic life. One that fits me like a glove and isn't concerned about what the people who don't truly matter (those who are heavy with opinions and no action) have to say.

I am so excited... and all this is happening before I'm even starting the Artist's Way... I'm in for a wild ride!!

What do you have going on that is exciting and thrilling you?

Lessons

2010-11-10T05:36:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I ached. Muscles that I never knew I had hurt. Why? Because we got a playstation Move game that had sword fighting in it and I had gotten quite a workout the day before ;-). It is seriously addictive, and it's a LOT of physical work. Two very good things, eh?

But I was sore. It hurt to move. It affected my mood. I felt a bit defeated, actually, throughout the day, moving around like an old lady. I wasn't as upbeat and positive as I usually am. My physical affected my emotional. What an eye opener that was.

I am working with someone who has chronic pain. Mine was a very small window, but I can understand a bit more about how she might be affected.

I did two things yesterday that were out of character. One, I bought myself a small gift. Something that I had been wanting for years, but the last time I went to buy, the shop was closed. I happened upon the new shop yesterday and made the purchase. The other thing I did. Despite my aching, I made myself play that game again. I know the muscle aches were due to a good workout, so I did it again. And I'll do it tonight as well.

I learn lessons every single day. I don't know how to NOT.

Propelled Forward

2010-11-09T05:45:00.000-08:00

I have been thinking a lot about life lately, and my true North has presented itself to me. Initially I thought that I couldn't share it with anyone in my life for fear of being laughed at. But now I've told some people and they feel my sincerity. I feel myself being propelled forward. I am moving in baby steps, but I am going forward.

I have been filled to the brim with an excited energy for awhile now. My mind is always going, with a million thoughts. The best ones are the excitement on working towards my goals and my gratitude for all that life has to offer.

I sincerely hope that each of you is feeling the same sort of excitement in some area of your life.

True North

2010-11-08T05:33:00.000-08:00

I spent a lot of time this weekend pondering my true North. Thinking about what it is that I want to be. No, that's not right. I spent a lot of time this weekend having things strike me in the head to get my attention. I now know beyond a shadow of a dowbt what my calling is. I absolutely know the direction I'm headed. Everything is not absolutely defined, but I am so much closer.

I revere so many creative women. I watch the progress... see how they take each step so sure of their selves. I often wonder "how did they get here?" and now I'm seeing that in my own life. Amazing!

I've written before about how Fall is a time for renewal for me. I take cues from nature, and I see the leaves falling, I see the trees standing before me, naked, and perfect. It is a magical time of year for me. Looking back, I often start some amazing journeys during this time of year. And so it is this year as well... working towards my true North, and beginning The Artist's Way again.

I believe I'll be starting next week, and from that point, the next 12 weeks (or more, depending on how the holidays extend it) will be a wild ride. I am already buckling in and getting ready...

Mourning...

2010-11-05T05:42:00.000-07:00

This is the barn outside the gate at my work. It collapsed on January 13, 2010. Exactly one month before my Dad passed away. I took this picture yesterday. It is fading away, moving so little that we can't even tell, yet, it's shifting and going back to the earth.

My grief is the same way. It shifts a little each day. It will always be part of me, but like this barn becoming the earth, my grief will meld and not even be visible after a time.

I consider this barn to be one of Dad's gifts to me. He loved old barns and we went out to photo some in Utah on my visit. I believe he knew I would draw lessons from this old barn that I drive by every day. And I'm thankful.

Ramblings and a Rant

2010-11-04T05:51:00.000-07:00

I was going to write today about my mourning journey. But I have a specific set of photos I want to include so that must wait til tomorrow. Instead, I've been thinking a lot about my quest for authenticity and I'm in process of some chats with some people who I know have come a long, long ways in their own authenticity. I'm thinking about making that a regular topic.

But today, a small rant. I was talking to a family member yesterday. She actually blamed some HUGE mistakes she's made in her life on others in the family. They didn't check on her when she was grieving, so she did stupid things. She didn't like it very well when I asked why anyone should check on her when they were ALL grieving. And I also asked if she had bothered checking on anyone else.

She didn't like what I had to say and ended the conversation. My real point is that I'm done enabling. I am done trying to soothe the crazymakers. Some may want help, may accept things said to help them. Then there are those that don't want anything but more attendees at their pity party. No thank you!

Sorry for that. I had a rant. Sometimes a girl just has to vent, you know? And now I feel better. In fact, all of this *is* part of my quest for authenticity. No wounded birds, not getting sucked in by the crazymakers. It's very important.

What revelations have you had?

Slow and Steady

2010-11-03T05:30:00.000-07:00

I have put my quest for authenticity on the back burner. I will not be focusing on it. I know enough to know that if I work on my goals throughout the month that authenticity will be a natural side effect. It will just happen.

And besides, if I were totally honest, I'm light years ahead of the life I was living just 5 years ago. 2 years ago. 1 year ago. I am traveling towards true North so fast that if I tried to calculate my head would spin.

My other goals, they are coming along. Slow and steady wins the race, yeah? I do feel a bit like I'm spinning my wheels already.. but I must remember today is only the 3rd. Breathe.

On a side note, I'm still raising funds for my brother and his children's Christmas. The donate button is on the upper right of my blog.

I've Got Goals

2010-11-02T05:39:00.000-07:00

I wrote out a list of goals for the month yesterday. Broke them into 4 categories and wrote VERY specific goals.

This is a first for me. To be so organized in my goal-making.

But I have to. This is a big month for me. Holiday sales on Etsy, NaNoWriMo is starting (I am not participating, but I do have BIG goals for my novel for the month).

And last month I felt like I was paddling, paddling, paddling, and getting absolutely nowhere. I don't like that feeling at all.

So now everything is outlined. I have people who will hold me accountable. And now it's time. Time for the hard work that makes goals so difficult to keep.

The Inner Goddess

2010-10-31T16:54:00.000-07:00

One of the definitions of "goddess" is 'a woman of great beauty and grace'. I didn't really think about this definition when I made choices for a Halloween costume. And the pic above shows me... in full costume. Fake hair, quite a bit of help with a more enhanced bustline. Lots of makeup. That is what Halloween's all about, isn't it?

But it made me think. We are all Goddesses in our own right. This week, in addition to my quest for a more authentic existence, I'll be seeking ways to bring out my inner goddess.

What does Goddess mean to you? How will you draw her out?

Hitting a Wall

2010-10-29T05:30:00.000-07:00

I am tired, sick, feeling spread too thin. No... what I really am is disappointed. I had a deadline to meet where I was relying on others... each had one small piece of the puzzle. And that fell apart. Had it all fallen into place, what I would be feeling right now is elation, not exhaustion. Funny how we are so wired into things happening around us, isn't it?

I've had an angel on my shoulder for this journey I'm on and today I will continue to be thankful for her. The rest? For the rest, I'll put on my big girl panties and continue to forge onward.

My mantra for today is that I know I'm on the right path... and things will work out. If not this moment, then I'll keep working, always keep working.

I haven't Arrived

2010-10-27T20:33:00.000-07:00

I have not arrived. Please don't put a mint on my pillow or turn down my bedding... I'm not ready for that. But I have checked for flights, and I do have a better idea of the direction I should be heading.

I am getting closer to my true north. Closer to buying the ticket and settling on my destination.

I am getting there. I will share so much more with you soon!

My New Intention

2010-10-26T20:23:00.000-07:00

I have been doing a lot of soul searching over the past few weeks. Honestly, a lot of it is due to my Artist Empowerment Class. The connections made are so amazing. The atmosphere is contagious, the growth is too. And it hit me today. I have not been living an authentic life.

I thought that when this new life started in March, and I moved out of the home that I lived with my husband in, that it would be authentic. However, I'm still working at the same job, still associated with the same type of people.

My residence changed. It is now time for some other areas of my life to change.

Much of me is resistant. I have a healthy relationship with the "Yeah, but..."

I have a feeling that I will be fighting with myself for the weeks to come... hopefully with some amazing results. I will keep you posted as much as I can.

Some will have to remain private for a time. Other parts of it will be easy and amazing to share.

Thank you for joining me in this struggle.

One Leg of my Journey

2010-10-25T19:43:00.000-07:00

I have decided to try blogging in the evenings again. A close out of the day. And today was quite refreshing, I must tell you. Things weren't as busy at work, I didn't feel so frazzled. I got off work on time. I had time when I got home to get some chores done and I had the energy to do them. It was quite amazing.

Tomorrow morning (today, as you'll be reading this), I have a roast in the crock pot and it will be ready by the time I get off work. After eating, I will begin prep for the next day's dinner.

I also need to fit some time in for writing this week, my class chat is Thursday, and I have journals to make. Life isn't likely to slow down any time soon. I think the answer is for me to make small changes until I find what's right for me.

I know this journey is not done. I absolutely will find a way to fit all that I need into my life. In the process, I believe I'll be discarding some things that I don't.

What journey are you on?

My Calling

2010-10-24T19:44:00.000-07:00

I've been exposed to some people online... some people that I *love* and it seems to me that everything they touch turns to gold. They amaze me, along with so many others. People flock to their classes. They swarm to buy their products. I could be very jealous. Instead, I am in awe of them.

I do deal with jealousy, don't get me wrong. I also deal with my feelings of inadequacy. My feelings of being quite inferior.

But it hit me today. Just like a cast iron skillet. It wacked me right in the head, it did. I do affect people's lives. My reach may not be huge. But I've had students in my Artist Empowerment Class. I have helped them. I have changed lives. I have helped them to believe in themselves. That, my friend, is powerful stuff!

I will carry on. And help a small group at a time. Maybe that... THAT is what I'm here for.

Challenges

2010-10-22T05:37:00.000-07:00

I have to tell you that what makes my Artist Empowerment Classes amazing is the participants! So many amazing, lovely souls. We've been focusing a lot on fears and how they relate to our creativity. And this week was about granting ourself permission. The chat last night left us each with some challenges. I challenged them individually, and two of them challenged me. They granted me permission to write for 3 one hour blocks over the next week. With my ultra intense work schedule right now, that seems really daunting. But I'm going to do it! We are all working so hard to spread our wings and break down our barriers. There were other challenges issued to me, but I'd like to keep those secret for now.

So... for all of you not in my class, how can you spread your wings in the coming week? Do something that scares you. Do something that when you think about it your inner self says "nooooo..." or "but..." Just do it. Push yourself, and let me know how it goes!

Slow and Steady

2010-10-21T05:43:00.000-07:00

I'm finding out more and more that if I do small steps whenever I can on a project, that's still forward movement. What I mean is... I often don't have large chunks of uninterrupted time. So, I make slow and steady progress towards my goals.

I do, still try to carve out large chunks of time, but it's so rare these days. Work has gotten so busy and so exhausting that many things have fallen by the wayside. Like my novel. I've been needing to get back to it. And photography. I've been feeling called back. Soon...

And for now, I'll do the small steps because it's still forward progress. I hope to be listing new journals soon, as I have 3-4 partially completed.

How do you cope with a lack of time?

Motivation

2010-10-20T05:39:00.000-07:00

I've been receiving a lot of motivation lately. Pushes forward, reasons to not look back. I feel like I'm working towards a better life, a better existence.

The above photo can be found in my shop with a motivational quote on it here.

I am in the thick of things... and my mind is going a mile a minute... as it calms, I will let you in.

Wrapping my Mind around Things

2010-10-18T05:33:00.000-07:00

Good morning! I listed (and relisted) some photos in my Etsy shop yesterday, including this spinning wheel photo! Also, please check out my SALE!!!

I had a really nice weekend with an old friend. We had a great time. We took him to see Multnomah Falls, The Portland Saturday Market, and Powell's. Sunday we went shooting, and throughout the weekend we played lots of wii. I had to wrap my mind around the visit so many times. We had each grown, so much... and we were so not the same. This was my first love, my boyfriend for years, my confidante... and yes, I'm still trying to grasp the changes. None bad, per se... but we have grown so differently.

Anyway, I hope we can all make this the best Monday that we can!

I NEED Your Help

2010-10-10T11:33:00.000-07:00

My brother Tony, as I've shared on here is all of a sudden a single dad. His children are without a mother. Misty passed away unexpectedly at the end of September. She was 31. Tony is hurting in ways he never had imagined. The full extent of the pain has not hit any of them yet.

The children: Marissa, 13. Austin, 12. Vanessa, 10.

This year has been amazingly hard on this family. In February, our dad died, their grandfather. In March, his wife died, their grandmother. And now they've lost their mother.

I am writing this to plea for help. I want to do something for my brother's family, but I can't do it all alone. Let's give these children a good Christmas, despite all their pain. Let's reach out to this family and show them that there is an entire group of people who care about them.

Please help me. The donate button is on the top right column.

Authenticity

2010-10-08T05:48:00.000-07:00

There are precious few times in my current life when I feel authentic. I'm moving towards that sweet spot of authenticity, but I'm not totally there yet. However, one of the times when I am is when I'm teaching my Artist Empowerment Class. The weekly class chats are absolutely magical.

Last night was this weeks chat, and I can't even begin to tell you about the amazing connections. There were 4 of us there, and there was so much love and compassion, and everyone was pitching in, helping the others. We were talking about fear, and each of us was so open about our fears, about what holds us back. It was amazing to see that. The chats are always magical.

I'm moving towards authenticity. When this class is over, I won't be offering another (I don't think) until after the new year, and that will be a sequel, for returning students from both classes so far. I've been toying with another Artist Empowerment Class squeezed in there prior to that, but I'm not sure. With the holidays and all... I've also thought about a pdf version of the class... a work at your own pace. But then the magic of the chats, where would that go?

So many things bouncing around in my head. On my path to authenticity... what's on your mind? Are you on the same path? What struggles do you have?

Busy Busy Busy

2010-10-07T05:39:00.000-07:00

I have an extremely busy weekend ahead of me. Packing up and mailing orders, hopefully making more journals. But most importantly, cleaning the house to get ready for an old friend to visit the following week. Oh, and grocery shopping. And a birthday party for a two year old. And target practice. I'm tired already!

I slept so well last night. Finally! Haven't slept well in a week. All I need to do now is get through today and tomorrow at work. Work has been pure hell this week. But I can do it.

I took the picture above while visiting my Dad in Utah. It's one of my favorite photos. I went out with my sister in law and we found this amazing tree... I must say, I really love trees. Soon I should take my camera out again...

Grief

2010-10-06T05:50:00.000-07:00

I have been so sad. When my sister in law died, it was like all 3 deaths of this year were compounded and just came crashing down on me. All of a sudden, it was like dad had just died, and his wife, and now Misty. I tried so hard to just let the feelings flow. I even planned an emotional purge time, after work, so that I could just let the tears flow. That didn't work.

I have such an issue with showing weakness in front of others. And I grew up believing that crying was a sign of weakness. I'm evolving, slowly. And I know that crying is not a sign of weakness, that grieving for loved ones doesn't make you weak.

I've been so proud of my brother, being so open about his heartbreak, about how much he misses his wife. I'm hoping that will help him to heal. He isn't closing himself off to the feelings. He is a broken man, and he is not afraid of looking weak, he is grieving. I will do what I can for him, and at the same time, I am learning from him.

I will talk with his kids soon and put up some information about them. Along with a way for us to help them financially for this upcoming holiday season.

A New Journal... and so tired

2010-10-05T05:42:00.000-07:00

I listed this seafoam journal in my etsy shop last night. I love the texture of that leather, it feels like woven fabric. And seafoam green has always been a color I liked.

I have more journals in the works, but working 50 hours a week and all the emotions has made me tired. I've also been sorting through boxes. Boxes that have been moved from home to home. Most of it is stuff that I don't need, or that can be consolidated down into just a few boxes.

I hope that your week is going well. How do you deal with exhaustion?

Trying to not run from emotions

2010-10-04T05:32:00.000-07:00

I can count the number of times that I've cried i my life (since my mom died when I was 14), I mean really cried, on one hand. Maybe one and a half. To say that I had walled off my emotions was an understatement. I am the tough one. The clinical one, the one to take care of business. I couldn't get everyone taken care of and all the "business" of everything done if I spent my time crying.

And now, at 38, well, almost 39, there's been a shift. Tears flow every time I talk to my brother. I don't hide them, they just come, and I talk to him through them. I feel so much pain for him. I'm trying to figure out how this emotion fits into my life though. It's so foreign. I'll get there.

My brother has had some help from his kids' school. They have connections at a bank there and they know of a home loan with a very low interest rate for single parents. He is working on pursuing that, as he really needs to get out of where they are living now... out of the home his wife died in.

I'm searching my soul. Trying to figure out if I am meant to help him to get a down payment on this new home, or Christmas for the kids. I could use all the input out there on this one...

Marissa

2010-10-01T05:35:00.000-07:00

I called my niece Marissa last night. She is 13 and the day before, she picked her mom's casket. Just as I had done at 14. I can so relate to that girl, and I really wanted to make a connection. But I forgot. I forgot who I was at that age. I forgot that we are the same. I asked her how she was "well, I'm doing a lot better than Dad is." I knew that because I had talked to my dear brother, yesterday was his worst day yet. It hit him and it hit him hard. But back to Marissa. I was talking to her, explaining how I could relate to everything she was going through. And she was unreachable. She was in that same place I was at that point. She is the strong one, and she is watching out for everyone else.

"You want to talk to my dad?" she asked at one point. "No, I will talk to him in awhile, I called to talk to YOU," I told her.

Soon I will put some information up about each of the kids. Their dreams, their likes, general stuff about them. And together we will decide what to do for them for Christmas. I am being led to do this, and several people would like to help, so I will set up a dedicated paypal and will post several follow ups.

Nothing can take away this families pain. But we can help make Christmas more bearable. Their first without their mother (my brother's first without his wife), and also their first without their grandfather and grandmother.

Good Intentions, Bad News

2010-09-29T05:44:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I started the day with such good intentions. Then, about an hour into work, I got a phone call. My brother, Shane called. I knew something was up because Shane and I don't call each other, we text. His first words, "did my wife or Tony (my other brother) call you yet?" My heart sank. Shane told me that Tony's wife had died in her sleep. She and Tony had gone to bed the night before. She didn't wake up. My heart hurt all day. I cried throughout the day at work. I stayed really busy, because that is sometimes best.

Tony and Misty were together for 15 years. They have 3 children, the oldest being 13. Misty was 32 years old. I talked to Misty on facebook just last week. She was so happy and telling me all about their son's football games.

I talked to my brother Tony last night. We cried together for a time. I can't imagine the extent of his pain. Yet, he has to be strong for those children. Those 3 wondrous beings who have lost their mom. I want to do something for them. I just am not sure what yet. I thought about taking donations to go towards her funeral, or towards the kids' Christmas. Please help me. If you have ideas of what I can do, please let me know.

A Pledge

2010-09-28T05:44:00.000-07:00

Yesterday almost held more challenges than I could handle. I struggled through it, felt like I was swimming upstream, exhausted and on the verge of drowning. My best friend and soul sister tried to help me up out of my own personal muck and I didn't even attempt to pull myself out using the rope she was throwing me. Not very much like me. Not at all.

Today I'm making a pledge to hold my head above water at all costs. Maybe I'll have to totally relax and float instead of struggling for a time. Maybe I'll have to grab onto that roap. Whatever it takes today. Whatever it takes, that is my pledge.

Refreshed... and Tired

2010-09-27T05:25:00.000-07:00

I took some Me time this weekend... just a bit. And I had a great weekend. Some really awesome things are happening, and I am excited.

I woke up so tired this morning, though. I will get over it, I wake up tired every monday. The alarm goes off about 2 hours earlier on Monday than I wake up on the weekends.

My plans for this week include making time for writing and making more journals for my shop. What are your plans for the week?

Me Time

2010-09-24T05:38:00.000-07:00

This has been a long week. I'm really thankful it's Friday. I have some important things to do tomorrow, but from about 3pm on through Sunday will be about me. I'm sure I'll clean some, and cook some, make some journals... but it's all stuff that I want/need to do.

I've been feeling, since I was sick, that no time is my own anymore. So, I will claim some back. And I know, that just like before, time will grow to accomodate all I've got going on. It always does.

How will you be spending your weekend?

A time for rest

2010-09-23T05:59:00.000-07:00

I am tired today. Was out late last night helping a friend. So today the plan is to get through work, and this evening will be mostly about rest. I have to. I'm exhausted.

I do find myself feeling guilty for that. But I honestly feel I need to get over it. The help last night was physically and mentally exhausting. And it's time to refill the well.

How do you rest, refill, recharge without feeling guilty?

Daily Karma

2010-09-22T05:39:00.000-07:00

I receive a daily karma email in my inbox every morning. Today, this is what it had to say:

Surround yourself with good... It leaves less room for the other

So that's what I will strive to do throughout the day... surround myself with good.

Changes

2010-09-21T05:52:00.000-07:00

I posted yesterday about my desire to make changes in my life. Many of these changes are quite personal and it scares me to share them. But I will, in time, I am sure.

Yesterday, I was a bit more active. Tried to remain more calm and collected at work. And I ate healthier. I didn't do all the things I had hoped to work towards my goals. But it was my first day.

I need to prioritize things in my life. I need to show up at the page. I may even need to make friends with my camera again.

Truthfully, I'm not absolutely sure what changes I need to make. Or maybe what I don't know is how exactly to get from point a to poing b. I am trying, however, to state my intentions with each step forward.

A new Quest

2010-09-20T05:35:00.000-07:00

I realized some things yesterday. Was faced with some changes that I need to make. I need to get back on track. I need to move some things around in my life. Putting the focus back on my health. And also, remembering my goals.

Recently, when I was sick for a week, all of my goals were washed away by the necessity to just feel better. I stopped exercising. I wasn't eating properly or regularly. I stopped writing my novel (blaming that on getting writer's block, which I'm working through).

My life is FULL. My metaphorical plate is overflowing. It's time to put things right again. I have healthy lunches for the week at work, I have a renewed exercise schedule. I will be also scheduling writing and journal making.

Tonight I'm going to a meeting... so I have to adjust around that. But I will figure it out. The main thing I have to remember is to take care of myself with a more holistic approach. I can no longer be too busy to deal with emotions. Before, I think I was running from Dad's death. I kept myself amazingly busy for over 6 months time. And I succeeded in running from it for that long. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks. The depression swooped down on me and engulfed me. Then... and I'm sure they are related, I got sick. A type of sick that I couldn't ignore. A fever for a week. Complete mind and body fatigue.

I need to learn how to deal. How to not run from emotions. How to stay on track with all of my busy-ness without running myself down.

So I'm on a new quest. The quest for my balancing point.

Feeling better

2010-09-17T05:39:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning feeling so much better. I can't say for sure that the illness I've had is gone... but it feels like it is! So, I have a renewed energy, and can focus on some of my goals. This weekend should be busy and amazing.

I have been completely not myself lately. Wanting to accomplish things, but being physically unable. Now, once more, I can hit the ground running. But yes, I will be sure to do some excellent self care as well. I don't want to find myself in that same position of overworked, overstressed illness again.

The class is going amazingly well. We've all gotten to know each other a bit, we've had our first chat (which I made a bit rockier than needed to be), and we're off! I can tell already it's an amazing group, and I am so thankful for each and every one of them.

This weekend will be about growing my new business. Talking with people, sharing a bit. And bettering lives...

Time

2010-09-16T05:35:00.000-07:00

I've been lamenting a lack of time for a week now. I've been sick, and have had no energy whatsoever. I hope that I'm on the mend now. But I realized yesterday, that I have time. I live my life this way. I have 89 projects going, in addition to running a household. Teaching a class. Running an etsy shop. Writing a novel. And starting a homebased business. It's all ok. Things fall into place. Whether I worry or not.

So today I will try to worry less, and simply be productive. I've had 2 sick days this week, so I'll be trying to get back into the groove at work.

What do you do when you think you don't have enough time for all that is going on?

Journal and Illness

2010-09-15T05:37:00.000-07:00

Another coptic stitch journal I created. This one will be listed in my shop soon. I have had a terrible head cold now for about 5 days. Low grade fever, stuffy nose, complete lack of energy/ambition.

Today I will stay home, treat the fever (which is higher today) with herbs and medication, hot baths, and naps. I will be back full force soon.

Back to Basics

2010-09-14T05:37:00.000-07:00

In a thread I'm in on Etsy, I issued a challenge yesterday. I called it the "back to basics challenge". The above photo is one of the coptic stitch journals I made for the challenge. When I first started bookbinding, I learned the coptic stitch. It was my bread and butter for well over a year.

Then I began making leather bound journals, with stab binding, and I never looked back. There seemed to be a market for them, they took less time, and I found my groove with them. But lately, I've been feeling like I need to return to basics. Like I need to remember what it was about bookbinding that drew me in.

So, I went back to basics and it taught me a lot about myself. Soon, I will go back to basics with Buddhism. To return to the path that I started on in 2002. I am on a quest. A quest to remember why I am now where I am.

The Best Intentions

2010-09-13T05:34:00.000-07:00

I was ready. Ready to pull myself out of my muck and start living life again. Leaving depression behind (or at least taking it of the driver's seat), and then towards the end of last week, I got this nasty head cold. Much of Saturday, even though my boys wanted to do other stuff, I snoozed on the couch. Yesterday I started feeling a bit better and dove into class preparations (which started today). Then last night... a stomach bug hit and I am NOT feeling well.

I am calling into work (that is VERY unheard of), and going back to bed.

The photo is the latest journal I listed. What do you think of the pink leather?

Oh... one more thing. Class started today. I'm planning to keep registration open til maybe Friday. And I'd like to offer a "pay what you will" plan. I know that for so many reasons some cannot afford this class... but if you're yearning to take it, email me at robynsart@live.com and i'll invoice you for the amount you can pay.

I'll do it between naps, so if you don't hear from me right away, don't be discouraged.

Lifeline

2010-09-08T19:14:00.000-07:00

I need a lifeline... I have been slipping further and further into my depression/muck for days. I'm usually really great at pulling myself out... but this time it might be more than I can do. I've been suffering from 'what's the point?' for days on end now. I have stopped participating in the forums on etsy, i've talked a bit with friends on facebook, but never quite engaging. I've thought of abandoning this blog.

I'm still thinking.

What I need to know is. Are you out there? Are you listening? Does anyone care?

An Amazing Sale!

2010-09-05T08:41:00.000-07:00

I was led, earlier this year to teach an Artist Empowerment Class. I had the vision, and it was amazing. There were ten of us, we met weekly for an hour long chat, we journaled, we cried, we laughed. I was amazingly blessed to lead the group that I had. There was an energy, an electricity, and we all grew so much in our chosen craft!

When that class was over, I asked for testimonials and critiques. Some of the testimonials can be read here. The critiques, I noted, and applied to the planning for my next class, which will duplicate the first, with other participants.

My Artist Empowerment Class is $40. The entry can be paid here or by clicking on the 'pay now' button on the upper right.

The class starts September 13, and I answered some questions about WHO might want to take it here.

In honor of Labor Day, I'd like to offer you 25% off. I will refund $10 back into your paypal after you sign up, or you can contact me for a revised invoice prior to paying! So YOU could be taking this amazing life-altering class for $30 instead of the $40 list price. Act now!

Tenderhearted

2010-09-03T05:37:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I felt weepy throughout the day. It was a reaction to stress. On the way home, I heard a heartwarming story on the radio, and the tears flowed. In the morning, I read about a group that posts 'love bombs' in the comments on blogs and felt like crying. So much love in this world. So much that a lot of people are unaware of.

Anyway... last week I was weepy, and I blamed it on PMS. I can't blame it on that this week. I'm wondering if this is just what is for me. I've evolved into a weepy, tenderhearted girl? That doesn't bode well for my job. I work around truck drivers and I have to be tough.

I've found myself over compensating at work, by acting much tougher. I need to find the space for the tenderness to be. I need to figure out how to assimilate it into my life. I am really struggling with it. I've always been the stoic one. But Dad's death changed me. And that's ok. I can be tender now, I won't fight it. But I do need to figure out how to fit it in. Why do we always make things so tough on ourselves?

Time For R&R

2010-09-02T05:33:00.000-07:00

I have been really challenged at work lately. Struggling through, seeing a lot of negative. Yesterday though I tried something. I had a mantra "I am thankful to have a job" and I repeated it throughout the day. It made the negative much less effective against me. I became impervious. I will try it today, tweaking the mantra as needed. It's been a long week. I'm tired, and I am so looking forward to a 3 day weekend.

I took the evening off from writing on Tuesday. Gave myself a break. Tried to get back to it yesterday, but really couldn't get into the groove. It didn't help that I wasn't feeling 100% healthwise, but hopefully tonight I can get right back on that horse.

I have so many plans... so many upcoming goals. This weekend will be used to refresh and recharge.

If you haven't entered the giveaway for one of my journals, do so here!

There's Magic Afoot...

2010-09-01T05:44:00.000-07:00

Connie of Dirty Footprints Studio will revealed some amazing September Sweetness! Check it out, there's magic afoot for sure! Read all about it by following this link.

I'm always amazed at the love and support that I get from my online friends! It comes at the most unexpected times. Thank you so much Connie!

So... about this upcoming Artist Empowerment Class of mine. You can read testimonials by following the link at the upper right of my blog. But why would YOU want to take the class?

1. Because it is for anyone who is creative in any way. Whether you're a chef, a writer, a painter, a seamstress... anyone who has creative blood flowing in their veins (I happen to think that's everyone)

2. Because sometimes we get in our own way. We procrastinate, we are afraid of what people will think, we don't have faith in our art, we don't give ourselves permission to put ourselves out there, we feel guilty for spending time creating.

3. Because we let others get in our way. We all have crazymakers (and yes, sometimes it's ourself). We let others dictate whether we spend the time, whether we believe in our artistic selves.

4. Because we deserve to fully immerse ourselves in our creativity. We DESERVE to be happy and successful and amazing.

5. Because others around us deserve for us to move forward and be happy. They deserve all the blessings that will rain down on them when we keep our inner artist's happy.

Leave me messages on here if you have any questions... come dive in! You and your art deserve it!!

The life of a writer...

2010-08-31T05:36:00.000-07:00

Last night went exactly as planned. I got home, got dinner made, did a few chores, and by 6pm, was sitting down to write. I wrote until bedtime. It was so nice! Tonight is more of the same, with a few more chores added in. But writing... writing... writing.

My novel is taking turns that I never had anticipated. I write with a set plan, and then she veers off, and she is way more interesting this way. My plan is to totally go with it. If it doesn't work, it will get edited out later.

A question for you writers out there... is that normal? For them to take on a life of their own?

As far as my etsy shop goes, I got more leathers this past weekend and will photo them soon. My fave new color that I got is seafoam green. I also got a bright pink, green, a gorgeous burgundy/red, black, and distressed brown. I can hardly wait to use them all!!

A little more than Six Months...

2010-08-30T05:25:00.000-07:00

A little more than 6 months ago, I received a call from my brother that said "I'm sorry, but he didn't make it." I traveled to Price, Utah to help my family plan and make it through his funeral. I rode in a car in a funeral procession that was over a mile long, led by his two remaining biker buddies. A little more than 6 months ago, we laid a great man to rest.

Since that time, I have begun selling leather journals, I've become the art journal making sponsor for Connie's Art Journal Love Letter's Class. I have left a very wrong marriage behind. I have begun writing my novel again (that I had stored away for over 10 years). I have taught one Artist Empowerment Class, and am moving towards another. I have moved so much closer to living my authentic life. 6 months ago, I was so far away from authenticity that I couldn't even tell where it resided. Today, it lives with me, and we are having a great relationship.

It's amazing what can happen in six months time. My life bears no resemblance to the life of 6-8 months ago. And I'm so thankful. I know that as I move forward (sometimes like the speed of light) that Dad is proud of me. And I know that if my life could change so drastically in one six month period, then the world better watch out for my next six months!

Artist Empowerment Class and Questions

2010-08-27T05:44:00.000-07:00

I've been spending a lot of time promoting my Artist Empowerment Class lately. It begins September 13, and I know that it will be amazing. The first time I had the class, it was a life-changing experience. There were 10 of us (it's really great for this class to be a smallish group, so that everyone can interact and encourage one another). We met once a week for a chat. The chats became the highlight, I believe. I couldn't believe the outpouring of love and support. You can read what the students said over here. My heart swells when I read their testimonials.

When I asked for testimonials, I also asked for critiques. I made notes of every change they thought I should make. It was an amazing class, but I wanted to improve on it for future classes. I can promise, that while the first one was life-altering for the students, this one will be even better!

I would like to write a post or two next week from your questions. Please ask me anything, about my class, my life, my beliefs, my motivation... whatever you would like to know. Post them in the comments and next week they will lead my blog posts.

Also, I would like to thank you for being here... thank you for being in my space and hearing me. I'd love to hear from you!

A Found Hour

2010-08-26T05:36:00.000-07:00

Yesterday at work drained me. I felt like I had been run over by a train. I opted for takeout dinner, so it would be quick, and I had a journal to make and orders to package. I yearned to write, but had accepted the fact that I most likely wouldn't have time.

However, I worked quite efficiently and had a spare hour. Oh joy! I got a little further in my story. I was able to move forward, and that mean the world to me. It's getting difficult to work full time and write, because all I want to do is write. someday. No. SOMEDAY. I will have the time to write. Putting that intention out there right now.

I've been involved in this thing called "The Receiving Project" where, for 32 days, you make note of the gifts you receive. It's only been 3-4 days, and I've received so much. Like my hour to write last night. Kind words from a friend when I most needed them, a new friend who I'm getting to know, and she is quite amazing. I find myself surrounded by artists.

In talking with artists, I'm still amazed that I have so much to offer them. I gain so much from our talks, and the connections we make, but when they go out of their way to tell me something, or thank me for a comment... I am just like "Wow!" Life is good. What have you been receiving?

Leap of Faith

2010-08-25T05:49:00.000-07:00

This photo is of me bungee jumping. I have been on the receiving end of many amazing things lately. And I can trace them back to me taking leaps of faith. To me saying Yes, and jumping off that platform, that comfort zone. Just as we did when we bungee jumped.

I urge you today... take one leap of faith. Stretch the borders of that comfort zone. Say yes to something, or just dive right into something else. Spread those wings out and fly...

Filling my Well

2010-08-24T05:33:00.000-07:00

I felt empty yesterday. Like I had nothing left to give. Drained. But at one point, a friend on facebook posted how distressed she was about a situation and I said the right thing at the right time. That helped me immensely. Some other things came up, and I had a rough day, but as I look back on that moment, I realized what I need. I need to reach out and help. That fills my well. So, I'm taking baby steps. I'm getting there.

I'm in the process of instituting some self care (since fall is almost here and schedules are changing) and I'm figuring out how to reach out to those who need me.

What's the Point

2010-08-23T05:26:00.000-07:00

Every once in awhile, I struggle with "What's the point?". I ask it about my etsy shop. I ask it about my facebook, and about this blog. And yes, now I'm asking it about this blog. There was a time when I would get a minimum of 4 comments each post. That's not a lot, but it kept me going. These days, I may get one. Of course, it's not all about getting comments. It's about what I have to say, and how I want to get it out there.

I have a lot to think about.

Play

2010-08-19T05:45:00.000-07:00

Last night after dinner, we began talking to our neighbors... the conversation progressed and ended up with them coming over to play wii. 2 adults and 2 thirteen year old girls. We were all talking and having a good time, then noticed one of the girls wasn't in the living room playing. Instead, she was sitting on the kitchen floor, with a notebook in hand, writing. I sat down with her and talked a bit. She has several books that she's written, sitting in her room. Hundreds of pages each. She has books of poetry she has written.

We talked for awhile about writing, but I wanted her to join the group and play. She refused. Her dad demanded she come out and play, she wrote more. He told me that's how she is. She has no idea how to play. I'm very impressed that she is so excited about writing, but she is thirteen! She is a loner, prefers to keep her nose in her notebook. And she doesn't know how to play.

That could have been me, and I'm so glad it isn't, honestly. It taught me a lesson about myself. The VERY thing I've been struggling with all week, I saw. Isn't that amazing? I will work to create more of a balance, making my evening time about writing more. But I will also play.

I meant to write a post today about the balance in my life, the yin and the yang... the opposing things that pull me to and fro.... and well, I guess I sort of did. But not like I had planned, so more on that soon.

Discipline

2010-08-18T05:43:00.000-07:00

I thought a lot about discipline yesterday. About the changes I will make to have my goals become a reality. And I thought I would have a couple free hours last night, so I planned to write. However, life had other plans. No emergencies, nothing like that. My two youngest sons were gone for the evening and my oldest son said "let's do something." So with no planning, we went and played 36 holes of miniature golf. We wandered through a downtown park. We looked at the clouds. We lived life.

For a moment, I felt guilty. "See Robyn? This is why your novel isn't completed. You always have something else to do." But, these times with my children are short. There will have to be times when they are the priority. So, last night I played. Saturday afternoon/evening I will write. Sunday I will write. The next 2 childfree weeks I will write like mad.

And through it all life goes on. I have to also consider the fact that I would not be a writer if I had no life experience. I would have nothing to draw from. So, my pledge is that I will work on self-discipline. I will make goals and keep them. But I will also allow myself to live life without beating myself up about it.

Wondering

2010-08-17T05:40:00.000-07:00

I am wondering today how others handle it when they have 15 amazing project ideas all at once. Do they start them, then flit from project to project to work on each one as they are inspired to do so? Do they write down the basics then prioritize and work on one at a time? How do YOU deal with this?

I'm dealing witht his right now, and I'm a flitter. But the problem with that is that each one takes 15X longer, and it may not get my best effort. So, I'm trying to figure out how to reprogram I think. Being able to switch gears works well if I'm just quickly trying to make a tweak or two to a project. But not when I'm in the thick of one and it truly deserves my full attention.

There is so much I didn't learn earlier in life, I now realize. Like how to follow through with amazing ideas. I will get there, it's just more of a challenge because I feel like I need to re-wire.

How do you handle projects/ideas? How do you follow through and give each your best effort?

Chugging Along

2010-08-16T05:46:00.000-07:00

It has been a busy summer. So much activity with the boys. Saturday we paintballed, we went to Saturday Market, we played at our favorite water park. We had declared it "no chain day". On no chain day, we only eat and shop local. We don't go to any place that is a chain. It has it's own challenges, like we gas up the car the day before. We do our grocery shopping prior as well. But it's a fun and challenging thing. And it makes us appreciate the businesses that are local, and we support them so we can have them around for the next time. More often than not, it gives us places to go even when we have not declared it a no chain day.

My life will slow down after next weekend. It will calm a lot. And I can dive in to my novel. I can pursue some new venues with my journals. My mind is always going, and quite honestly, I deal with a lot of frustration when I can't follow through. So, the time will come soon to follow through.

And so I have another week of percolating. That's ok. It will be a very busy week. And mixed into the busy-ness will be me laying out an outline of a game plan. So that I don't just spin my wheels once I'm able to act on my thoughts.

All Good Things Come to an End

2010-08-13T05:31:00.000-07:00

Last night was a bittersweet night. It was the last class chat for my first Artist Empowerment Class. I had the pleasure of leading a group of 9 amazing women.

I've posted a few testimonials on the class info site, which you can click on to the right, but here's another I received:

I feel so honored to have been a participant in this course. Even though my busy schedule can be hard to manage, Robyn made it easy to stay involved. The easy to follow format also made it easy for me to catch up on things I had missed. I loved the online chats! I think the chats really brought the group together and because of that we really bonded! Do I feel empowered? Yes, more than ever! As an artist finally taking the step to go full time into an art career, this course came at a crucial time for me. Most of the time, I am the one who gets in my own way and I found that this course kept me focussed and grounded every week. Will there be a part II to this course? If so, I would love to continue the work I have started.

I am also fine tuning every aspect of the class for the next one (Starting September 13), so each one will be better and better! I do hope that you will join me! It's an amazing experience.

Let me tell you a little about my students this past time. There was a bath and body/hemp artist, a jewelry artist who opened her own gift shop, a jewelry/fiber artist who recently quit her day job to be an artist, a painter/seamstress/all-around crafter, a baker/seamstress, and so many more... this class was a perfect fit for all of them, regardless of their craft and where they were at in their lives. So, this class is also for you! I hope to see you there!

Make a Wish

2010-08-12T06:28:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I started the day off with very good intentions. However... the day had other plans for me. I spent the day stressed out... trying to blend in to the walls so I wouldn't become a target for an angry attack. I worked hard, kept very busy, and for the most part it worked. Then last night, I felt like I could breathe deep again and then came the emotional release. That was a long time coming, I think.

Today I'm making journals with my boys, playing in the park, wandering with our cameras. Life is good. Life with my boys is also extremely busy. The novel has been pushed back again... only a little over a week this time til I can pour myself back into it.

I forget sometimes that it's ok to take a break. But right now, I am allowing myself that. A break from the writing. A day off from work. Unfortunately not a break from house work. But the plan is to have a wonderful day with my boys. And this weekend will be wonderful as well.

What do you do when you need a break?

Just For Today

2010-08-11T05:53:00.000-07:00

Today I meditate on the following words, and try to apply them throughout the day.

Just for today, I will not be angry.

Just for today, I will not worry.

Just for today, I will be grateful.

Just for today, I will do my work honestly.

Just for today, I will be kind to every living thing

----mantra developed by Reiki founder Mikao Usui

Somedays...

2010-08-10T05:41:00.000-07:00

Some days I have no idea where I'm going. I'm moving forward, at least baby steps every day. But some days the progress I make is infinitessimal. Some days I'm just an observer it seems. I watch. I plan. And I barely move forward, except maybe in the planning.

Some days I grow by leaps and bounds. I move forward at the speed of light. I jump from one stone to another, crossing the river. I am not slowed by anything in my path.

Lately I've had more slow progress days. I've been bogged down with emotional issues. Worrying about my kids. Even worrying about my ex. Today is the day to shake that off. They will all be fine. Things will work out. And today I will shift my focus back on me.

Today is the day for some leaps and bounds. Today I will mail all my etsy packages. Today I will write some in my novel. Today I will meditate. Today I will fill my well.

What will you do today?

Oh the Pressure!

2010-08-09T05:31:00.000-07:00

By a show of hands, how many of you knew what you wanted to do with your life right out of high school? How many of you stayed on that very path? Not me. I'm 38 and just within the last few years have found my true North.

How many of you found your way at 30? 40? 50 even? So many of us, I assume.

But why the pressure on our 18 year olds to have it all figured out? Why do we tell them they need to get their diploma and immediately head in the direction that will determine the rest of their life?

I'm dealing with this right now. My 18 year old son graduated. He's brilliant. He is one of the smartest and most seeking people I know. But he has no direction. I have some ideas for him, to dip his toes in the water, and he is willing. However, his father wants what he wants for him. And that's the only path he is willing to consider. Forget the fact that this child is being told that at 18 you are an adult and you have to make your own choices. Forget the fact that his father still at 40 has not found his path.

I can help. I can guide. I can hope to teach him through life experience what he wants and doesn't want. And to do that I may have to beat my head against a brick wall or two.

This 'finding yourself' at 18 is resting heavy on my heart. Apparently, finding yourself means joining the military. Or immediately jumping into a career. To me, however, finding yourself could equally be to travel, to work dead end jobs for a year and raise the money to backpack through Europe. Or sign up for a temp agency to gain a little job experience and "try on" different vocations. Or seek out your OWN true North, with the understanding that it could take awhile.

Time spent finding this path is never wasted, in my mind.

Artist Empowerment Class

2010-08-07T11:27:00.000-07:00

It's that time again! Time to sign up for the Artist Empowerment Course! This is a 6 week long online class. Here's what we cover:

Circle of Trust
Crazimakers
Fear
Permissions
Dreams vs. Goals

The only requirements for the course is an online connection, a yearning to become empowered, and a journal. Any journal will do.

Here's what some of my students are saying about this course:

*****This class is perfect for anyone who hasn't taken the time to do the soul searching they need, or for those of us who just didn't know where to start. Over the past six weeks, I've learned so much about who I really am, what my fears are, how to face them, how to pursue my dreams, and where I stand in the spectrum of my life. The weekly chats were amazing, Robyn is totally wonderful, and the connections I felt with the other class members will last a life time! Highly recommend this class to anyone and everyone, no matter what stage of their life they are in.

*****I am so happy I decided to take this class. I’m a wife, mother, caregiver, but also an artist that has a need to paint (draw, create, craft) nearly as often as a need to take in physical nourishment. I was struggling to find time for creating. Artistic expression is as much a part of me as the beating of my heart, but I had many roadblocks preventing me from this expression; I was allowing anything and everything stifle it. Robyn has a way of getting to the heart of the problem, whatever that problem or roadblock an artist may be faced with. She helps you to understand why you have these roadblocks and how to move beyond them. Some examples are lack of confidence, fear of failure, fear of success, CrazyMakers, and giving yourself permission. I also learned many things from the other wonderful artist that took the class,their struggles, their successes and encouragement helped me grow. Do I feel empowered? Yes, I feel that I have grown by leaps and bounds! My work has a new freeness; my change in attitude and my new found confidence has actually been noticed by others.

What’s holding you back? This class will help you answer that question.

******I think this class was important to me for so many reasons! Mostly it showed me that I am not alone in my struggle as an artist or the belief that I truly am an artist! I felt important as a person, justified in my fears and was shown a way to deal with those fears. There is such power in numbers and as artists we need to stick together, to believe in ourselves and to empower each other as well. Of course I believe there is an artist in everyone, just fighting to get out and show the world their talent! I still have doubts about so many decisions I've made in my life, but through this class I know that the decision to persue my art is not one of those doubts! I can and will be recognized as a very talented lady!!

I do hope to see you at the class! We will begin on September 13, 2010.

Journaling Saves.

2010-08-06T05:45:00.000-07:00

As many of you know, I'm the official art journal sponsor for Dirty Footprints Studio's online Love Letters Art Journal Course. I have been so blessed to be making art journals specifically for art journaling for months now, and still I'm loving every minute of it!

Art saves... I believe this... Journaling absolutely saves. And any outpouring of your soul, whether it's art journaling or writing can help growth occur. I've seen it in my Artist Empowerment Course (which I will be offering again soon!), where my students are asked to journal daily for the 6 week course. So many of them did not like that idea at all! But every week, I found that the daily journaling dug so deep into their soul. It uncovered beauty, and was a balm for the ugly, buried crap of the past. Journaling saves!

I urge you to grow. Sign up for a class... start art journaling with Connie, or Empower your Artist with me. But don't stop growing.

Oh! to get your own Love Letter's Journal just click here!

Every Day I Figure Me Out More

2010-08-05T05:40:00.000-07:00

Every day I figure more out about myself. I know so many people... who are content, who seem to know everything about themselves (or I should say, they think they do). People who just tread water daily. And I guess that works for them.

But that's not me. Every day I learn more. And the toughest times are when I'm learning about myself. Earlier this week, I made a comment in a group of people, expressing a view, that was not even my own. I said it because in that group that sort of comment was basically expected at that time and no-one else said it. I've been bothered every since.

Finally it hit me. Number one that this particular environment is toxic to me (which I already knew), but that part of my problem is that I purposefully don't read the tragedies of the news. I get my news from select places. I know the basics going on in the world, but I don't know the gruesome details of the drownings, of the fathers who imprisoned their daughters for years and made them bear them children. I don't delve into those heinous acts. However, there are places that I go where I here these details.

This week, I've heard way too much. I've felt the pain, or blocked the pain, and it has sucked my energy out. So, now I'm back to square one. It's not a situation I can just NOT be in. I need to find an alternative... I need to figure out how to not hear. Wow, can you even imagine that I just said that? That I need to not hear? In this case it's true. And now that I've figured this out, I will devise a plan.

Struggles

2010-08-04T05:37:00.000-07:00

Last night I was feeling blah. I was feeling discouraged. And I let myself feel this way. I wallowed for a short time, then I decided I needed a plan. So, I began to formulate a plan. And then I tossed and turned last night worrying about more stuff that I hadn't yet dealt with.

So, one of my plans will go into effect soon. I'm thinking a referral journal giveaway, but I haven't worked out all the details yet. Basically, I know that people who have bought my journals love them. And if you refer someone to me and they buy a journal, you'll be entered for a giveaway. But like I said, I'm working on the details.

The other stuff, I'll be tackling today.

Part of it is struggling with this authentic me. I know that writing helps to bring me to my true North. Writing is the art that has always saved me. And I'm working on that. I'm working on making the time. It's hard with 3 teenage boys who are talkative and funny and active. But I just need to make that time.

Another part is photography, and honestly I don't feel it right now. What I feel is a tinge of guilt but I don't feel inspired to do it. I do know that I will return to it. I will enjoy life through the viewfinder at some point.

So what are your struggles today?

Permissions

2010-08-03T05:44:00.001-07:00

This week in my Artist Empowerment Class, we are talking about permissions. How many times as artists we don't allow ourself to grow, we don't give ourself permission to take that next vital step.

This week I am giving myself permission to work on my novel. Permission to MAKE the time to do it.

I've been reading Life is a Verb by Patti Digh. In one section, she talks about the flight attendant's speech on a plane, where she tells you that if the oxygen masks drop down, put yours on first, or you're no good to anyone else. The way Patti words it is a gift. But her message absolutely struck me in this week about Permissions. As artists, creatives, wives, mothers, ok, even, husbands and dads, we must fill our own well. We must seek out the things for ourselves, or we may have nothing to give to our art, to our families.

It's such a liberating concept.

I'm Listening

2010-08-02T05:41:00.000-07:00

I have a new listing in my shop for a set of 4 black and white dandelions. It was a special request, and I hope the customer loves the results. I decided to keep the listing though and will relist if it sells. Dandelions are the make a wish flower... so magical, yet technically a weed. They prove to me that anything in this life is possible.

There is a shift in my world right now. I got out my novel and spent hours writing this weekend. I'm putting it onto a thumb drive just in case I get spare time at work. I have a list of research I need to do for it. And the words just pour through me.

I will continue to make journals, I'm sure of that. And at some point in the future my focus will shift back to photography. But for right now, the novel is calling. And it is very persistent. I think it has been calling for quite a while now, and I've been very stubborn and haven't listened. It is time. Time for me to pay attention, time for me to show up at the page.

What an Amazing Life!

2010-07-30T05:41:00.000-07:00

My etsy site has been featured here, along with many other gift sites!

Today is the beginning of my child-free weekend. By the time I get home from work, the boys will be at the coast with their dad. I am so excited about sleeping in tomorrow and lounging around. Of course, I'll also be cleaning this weekend. And doing some grocery shopping.

Last night in the Artist Empowerment Class chat, Susan Piver joined us, and it was amazing. She is such a beautiful person. I don't want to gush so much, but suffice it to say that she said everything that my students needed to hear about fear, crazymakers, and succeeding as artists. Susan will be at a book signing in my area in November and you KNOW that I will be there!

Life is truly amazing, and one thing that I need to hold myself to is "a little less talk, a lot more action". Off I go to make all my dreams come true!

Ramblings.

2010-07-29T05:39:00.000-07:00

It seems like it has been a really long week. This weekend I plan to write and relax. And that sounds absolutely heavenly to me right now. I don't really fit in a lot of ME time during the summer. And for the most part that is ok. I thoroughly enjoy my boys. However, this weekend their dad is taking them to the coast for a campout. So, I will be left to my own devices.

I've been thinking about some things in my life lately. Some things that just don't seem to be working for me. I need to figure out how to do what I need to do without doing so much that I don't want to do. My end goal is to be more authentic. And let's just say that it isn't so much the case in some areas right now.

I will begin, I believe by scheduling more time to write. When I'm writing or teaching my class, I am so happy. I feel like I am doing what I am meant to do. Speaking of teaching, my next ARTIST EMPOWERMENT CLASS will begin September 6. I am thrilled to be offering it again, and I will be posting more details soon! If you have questions in the meantime, leave me a comment or shoot me an email at robynsart@live.com

Moving Up from the Abyss

2010-07-28T05:37:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was an extremely down day for me. First, I began thinking about the phone call from my brother letting me know that Dad had died, on my way to work. So I cried halfway there. I thought about my blogpost much of the day... and about how I could move beyond the guilt.

When I got home, it all turned around. I got off a little bit early to transport the boys all around. One son went and did an activity that he really wanted to do, the other 2 made homemade rootbeer. We bought all the bottles, caps, and supplies and set up an assembly line. We should know in about 10 days how that turned out! I talked with them a bit, and it made me realize that they harbor no ill will... their life has been great. I struggled through that marriage, and I protected them. So it seems that it's just a matter of working through my own crap now (isn't that how it usually is?).

Today I'm taking some more leaps of faith and contacting select sites about advertising my journals on there. Life is good, sometimes I just have to remind myself!

So This is the Deal

2010-07-27T05:37:00.000-07:00

My life is absolutely amazing right now. I have everything I could need. There is so much love in it. And opportunities are coming to me... like I'm innertubing in a stream of opportunity, and they are moseying all around me, for me to grab at will. And I'm grabbing, believe me!

I've gotten comfortable with 'leap of faith' mode and trust it completely. I can absolutely see the yellow brick road and all the goodness before me and I know I'm on the right track.

But life just can't be that easy. Perhaps it has to have some roadblocks so that we can appreciate all the good. My roadblock right now is guilt. It's coming at me full force, and instead of batting it away, instead of ignoring it, I'm at a space where I want to deal with it.

I am a mother of 3 amazing teenage sons. Their father and I have been divorced for 8 years or so. He and I have an amazing relationship, and we never argue or bicker about anything, least of all the boys. But between that marriage and now, I had a bad marriage. One where that husband was completely self centered and even complained when the boys would "eat all the food". I stayed for reasons that made a little sense at the time, and now that that is over, life is so amazing and drama free. We have absolutely everything we could need. We enjoy each other's company and have wonderful times.

Yet the guilt of that relationship. Of that unhappy time for my boys (and even that wasn't all that bad, we always had one another and had fun)... it's surfacing. And I'm ready to deal with it. The only trick I know right now to deal with this is self-love. But how is the best way to deal with guilt and regret? How do you deal when you are the only one not forgiving yourself?

I did It!

2010-07-26T05:48:00.000-07:00

Saturday was a family fun day. I knew what was planned, the boys had NO Clue! We went to Mt. Hood Ski Bowl Adventure Park. They have alpine slides there that are like a luge, bungee trampolines, a 500' zip line, a bungee jump, and a reverse bungee. I did it all. One of my sons did it all. 2 of them opted out of the bungee and the reverse bungee, and hey, maybe they have more sense than I do!

I learned about Leap of Faith. Stepping off of that platform on the bungee jump was the most difficult thing I ever did. Am I glad I did it? Absolutely! Would I ever do it again? Most likely not. But I did it. At 38, I did something that I was deathly afraid of. I did it. That's what matters.

We covered fear a couple weeks ago in my Artist Empowerment Class. I think it helped with this. I knew that I had fear, and I understood all the reasons. I also understood that all the safety precautions had been taken, I'd be safe. So, the decision to jump or not was completely within me. The No almost won, I can assure you. And if it had, that would be ok too... but I can't really even tell you how amazing it is to me that I said Yes. Saying yes to a 100 foot drop is VERY out of character for me.

I'm pushing my limits. With the bungee, with my business, with my class, and with my life. I am putting it all out there and taking leaps of faith!

TGIF

2010-07-23T05:38:00.000-07:00

I've had a very full, very rewarding week. And tomorrow I have BIG plans with my boys. Plans that are a surprise to them. Plans that will push my boundaries completely and make me face fear.

Sunday will be all about resting after all the activity on Saturday. I must say this is an amazing life. Monday I should have some pictures from the weekend activities...

What do you do to push your boundaries?

A Little Rested

2010-07-22T05:45:00.000-07:00

I have been so tired this week that I've dropped off from goal setting. I'm a little more rested today, so I think it's time to be back on that horse! I have one special journal that I'm writing my book in and I believe I will take that to work today. We've had a lot of idle time lately, and I may possibly be able to get some notes made.

Tonight is our class chat. We are already nearing the end of week 3. I can't believe that we are halfway done. It has been an amazing experience! Tonight's class chat will have a special guest: Susan Piver, and I am thrilled beyond belief! If you're not familiar with Susan, see her at www.susanpiver.com. She is an amazing woman, and I've gotten to know her a little bit better recently on facebook. My hope is that this is the beginning of a long friendship! So, tonight at the class chat, I'm going to be trying not to gush so much! :-)

Life is absolutely amazing. I am surrounded in my online world by very creative and influential people. I am lucky. The other day, Susan said to me that what she loved about facebook and twitter is the serendipity. I wholeheartedly agree. My heart is full, and I am ready to go full steam ahead!