Ramblings and a Rant

I was going to write today about my mourning journey. But I have a specific set of photos I want to include so that must wait til tomorrow. Instead, I've been thinking a lot about my quest for authenticity and I'm in process of some chats with some people who I know have come a long, long ways in their own authenticity. I'm thinking about making that a regular topic.

But today, a small rant. I was talking to a family member yesterday. She actually blamed some HUGE mistakes she's made in her life on others in the family. They didn't check on her when she was grieving, so she did stupid things. She didn't like it very well when I asked why anyone should check on her when they were ALL grieving. And I also asked if she had bothered checking on anyone else.

She didn't like what I had to say and ended the conversation. My real point is that I'm done enabling. I am done trying to soothe the crazymakers. Some may want help, may accept things said to help them. Then there are those that don't want anything but more attendees at their pity party. No thank you!

Sorry for that. I had a rant. Sometimes a girl just has to vent, you know? And now I feel better. In fact, all of this *is* part of my quest for authenticity. No wounded birds, not getting sucked in by the crazymakers. It's very important.

What revelations have you had?

Slow and Steady

I have put my quest for authenticity on the back burner. I will not be focusing on it. I know enough to know that if I work on my goals throughout the month that authenticity will be a natural side effect. It will just happen.

And besides, if I were totally honest, I'm light years ahead of the life I was living just 5 years ago. 2 years ago. 1 year ago. I am traveling towards true North so fast that if I tried to calculate my head would spin.

My other goals, they are coming along. Slow and steady wins the race, yeah? I do feel a bit like I'm spinning my wheels already.. but I must remember today is only the 3rd. Breathe.

On a side note, I'm still raising funds for my brother and his children's Christmas. The donate button is on the upper right of my blog.

The Inner Goddess

One of the definitions of "goddess" is 'a woman of great beauty and grace'. I didn't really think about this definition when I made choices for a Halloween costume. And the pic above shows me... in full costume. Fake hair, quite a bit of help with a more enhanced bustline. Lots of makeup. That is what Halloween's all about, isn't it?

But it made me think. We are all Goddesses in our own right. This week, in addition to my quest for a more authentic existence, I'll be seeking ways to bring out my inner goddess.

What does Goddess mean to you? How will you draw her out?

My New Intention

I have been doing a lot of soul searching over the past few weeks. Honestly, a lot of it is due to my Artist Empowerment Class. The connections made are so amazing. The atmosphere is contagious, the growth is too. And it hit me today. I have not been living an authentic life.

I thought that when this new life started in March, and I moved out of the home that I lived with my husband in, that it would be authentic. However, I'm still working at the same job, still associated with the same type of people.

My residence changed. It is now time for some other areas of my life to change.

Much of me is resistant. I have a healthy relationship with the "Yeah, but..."

I have a feeling that I will be fighting with myself for the weeks to come... hopefully with some amazing results. I will keep you posted as much as I can.

Some will have to remain private for a time. Other parts of it will be easy and amazing to share.

Thank you for joining me in this struggle.

Authenticity

There are precious few times in my current life when I feel authentic. I'm moving towards that sweet spot of authenticity, but I'm not totally there yet. However, one of the times when I am is when I'm teaching my Artist Empowerment Class. The weekly class chats are absolutely magical.

Last night was this weeks chat, and I can't even begin to tell you about the amazing connections. There were 4 of us there, and there was so much love and compassion, and everyone was pitching in, helping the others. We were talking about fear, and each of us was so open about our fears, about what holds us back. It was amazing to see that. The chats are always magical.

I'm moving towards authenticity. When this class is over, I won't be offering another (I don't think) until after the new year, and that will be a sequel, for returning students from both classes so far. I've been toying with another Artist Empowerment Class squeezed in there prior to that, but I'm not sure. With the holidays and all... I've also thought about a pdf version of the class... a work at your own pace. But then the magic of the chats, where would that go?

So many things bouncing around in my head. On my path to authenticity... what's on your mind? Are you on the same path? What struggles do you have?