Slow and Steady

I have put my quest for authenticity on the back burner. I will not be focusing on it. I know enough to know that if I work on my goals throughout the month that authenticity will be a natural side effect. It will just happen.

And besides, if I were totally honest, I'm light years ahead of the life I was living just 5 years ago. 2 years ago. 1 year ago. I am traveling towards true North so fast that if I tried to calculate my head would spin.

My other goals, they are coming along. Slow and steady wins the race, yeah? I do feel a bit like I'm spinning my wheels already.. but I must remember today is only the 3rd. Breathe.

On a side note, I'm still raising funds for my brother and his children's Christmas. The donate button is on the upper right of my blog.

TGIF

It feels like it's been such a long week! Time has not gone by quickly. I have dealt with PMS, emotions flying through, filling orders, being on a new exercise schedule, and seemingly endless days at work. But today is Friday and I am spending the weekend with my boys!

Life is pretty good when I get a chance to rest, to breathe. I'm dealing with somethings right now... some decisions I need to make. Once that is dealt with, it will be smooth sailing.

I can't go into it, exactly yet, but I will tell you that it has Everything to do with trying to stay away from crazymakers. Ever since my Dad died, I've become less and less tolerant of them, as you know. So... this has been an ongoing issue for quite awhile now. The situation has NOT changed. But I have. I have changed by leaps and bounds....

Let it go

Despite everything, I had a very stressful day yesterday. I had an inner turmoil going on. I had lectured myself in my blog yesterday morning. I know this is the storm before the calm. But it didn't help. I stressed beyond reason.

But towards the end of the day, I let it go. I did what I should have initially done. I made a list, prioritized. Looked at it. And realized that it's not bigger than I am. Then I was fine.

As the days go by and we get closer to Christmas, I'll get everything done. Family gatherings will somehow fall into place (having a hard time arranging this year due to everyone's work schedules), and a good time will ultimately be had by all.

Sometimes I am a control freak. I want everything to be just right. I want this to be this way, and that to go that way. I am learning to let go. And just as food is better when cooked by someone else, things are done in wonderful new ways (that I wouldn't have thought of) when I allow others to help.

So, today... I am practicing again. breathe... let it go... breathe... let it go...

Moving towards relaxation

I've been a little harried lately. I don't do well with being idle, so I stay very busy. When I had my prescription drug withdrawal I was forced into a short period of time where I withdrew. But it was not rewarding, it was not relaxing. It was tormented. Now, though, I realize that I need to relax. I need a time when I'm not promoting and marketing 20 hours a day.

I can't do it yet. I'm in the middle of making 2 custom journals and packaging orders to mail. But I am working towards it. Sometime within the month of May, I'll have some time off. It will be a forced period of time when I don't go online and promote, and I just relax. I enjoy writing, perhaps I'll go through my writing. See? Still busy. Ugh. I'm not very good at this. I think the most important thing is I won't be marketing my shop. I think I'll go out with my best friend who I had lost touch with (I had been thinking about her for a week, she called me yesterday, I was so happy!!), and I will try to connect with a *me* that's not online.

I will definitely still blog, because this is not work. It's me getting in touch with my inner self. I will probably work shortened hours at my day job (I've been doing this, going home several hours early at least once a week). And possibly I will create as well. After all, that's what I enjoy doing. Sometimes I don't get the chance to do that, but I need to cool my jets and just let the creativity flow. No deadline, no specifications... just create.

That is what I'm working towards... we'll see how many excuses I can find to avoid it.