Lessons

Yesterday I ached. Muscles that I never knew I had hurt. Why? Because we got a playstation Move game that had sword fighting in it and I had gotten quite a workout the day before ;-). It is seriously addictive, and it's a LOT of physical work. Two very good things, eh?

But I was sore. It hurt to move. It affected my mood. I felt a bit defeated, actually, throughout the day, moving around like an old lady. I wasn't as upbeat and positive as I usually am. My physical affected my emotional. What an eye opener that was.

I am working with someone who has chronic pain. Mine was a very small window, but I can understand a bit more about how she might be affected.

I did two things yesterday that were out of character. One, I bought myself a small gift. Something that I had been wanting for years, but the last time I went to buy, the shop was closed. I happened upon the new shop yesterday and made the purchase. The other thing I did. Despite my aching, I made myself play that game again. I know the muscle aches were due to a good workout, so I did it again. And I'll do it tonight as well.

I learn lessons every single day. I don't know how to NOT.

Every Day I Figure Me Out More

Every day I figure more out about myself. I know so many people... who are content, who seem to know everything about themselves (or I should say, they think they do). People who just tread water daily. And I guess that works for them.

But that's not me. Every day I learn more. And the toughest times are when I'm learning about myself. Earlier this week, I made a comment in a group of people, expressing a view, that was not even my own. I said it because in that group that sort of comment was basically expected at that time and no-one else said it. I've been bothered every since.

Finally it hit me. Number one that this particular environment is toxic to me (which I already knew), but that part of my problem is that I purposefully don't read the tragedies of the news. I get my news from select places. I know the basics going on in the world, but I don't know the gruesome details of the drownings, of the fathers who imprisoned their daughters for years and made them bear them children. I don't delve into those heinous acts. However, there are places that I go where I here these details.

This week, I've heard way too much. I've felt the pain, or blocked the pain, and it has sucked my energy out. So, now I'm back to square one. It's not a situation I can just NOT be in. I need to find an alternative... I need to figure out how to not hear. Wow, can you even imagine that I just said that? That I need to not hear? In this case it's true. And now that I've figured this out, I will devise a plan.

Lessons Learned

This is a photo of my prayer flags hanging on my porch. They are one of the first things to go up each time I move.

Yesterday, an amazing thing happened in my life. There was drama (not that unusual, really), and someone who I love very much lashed out at me and called me some names. I have not been the target of an attack like this for a very long time. My initial reaction was tears, and anger. But I was at work, so no tears.

Then, a calmness washed over me and I knew there would be no retalliation, no talk with this person about it. I knew what this person said was out of being hurt, and upset. It had nothing to do with me, I was just a convenient target.

This calmness was new to me. Like I said, something like this had not happened for a very long time, and an old, emotional me would have milked this for all it was worth. I would have attacked back, and I would have gone for blood. Things would have been blown way out of proportion. And everything would have gotten quite ugly.

I am no longer that person. I don't go for blood. I issue bandaids when I can, or look away from a tantrum to not fuel the fire.

There was, however, one sliver of what this person said that got under my skin. It festered and pained me like a sliver. I could feel it, and I needed to deal with it. I talked with my best friend online, and she helped me extract it. It no longer pains me and I see it for what it is.

Words can hurt... 2 things I learned yesterday: you don't have to let them hurt you, and you don't have to participate in the games people play.

Life is pretty amazing.