Lessons

Yesterday I ached. Muscles that I never knew I had hurt. Why? Because we got a playstation Move game that had sword fighting in it and I had gotten quite a workout the day before ;-). It is seriously addictive, and it's a LOT of physical work. Two very good things, eh?

But I was sore. It hurt to move. It affected my mood. I felt a bit defeated, actually, throughout the day, moving around like an old lady. I wasn't as upbeat and positive as I usually am. My physical affected my emotional. What an eye opener that was.

I am working with someone who has chronic pain. Mine was a very small window, but I can understand a bit more about how she might be affected.

I did two things yesterday that were out of character. One, I bought myself a small gift. Something that I had been wanting for years, but the last time I went to buy, the shop was closed. I happened upon the new shop yesterday and made the purchase. The other thing I did. Despite my aching, I made myself play that game again. I know the muscle aches were due to a good workout, so I did it again. And I'll do it tonight as well.

I learn lessons every single day. I don't know how to NOT.

Propelled Forward

I have been thinking a lot about life lately, and my true North has presented itself to me. Initially I thought that I couldn't share it with anyone in my life for fear of being laughed at. But now I've told some people and they feel my sincerity. I feel myself being propelled forward. I am moving in baby steps, but I am going forward.

I have been filled to the brim with an excited energy for awhile now. My mind is always going, with a million thoughts. The best ones are the excitement on working towards my goals and my gratitude for all that life has to offer.

I sincerely hope that each of you is feeling the same sort of excitement in some area of your life.

True North

I spent a lot of time this weekend pondering my true North. Thinking about what it is that I want to be. No, that's not right. I spent a lot of time this weekend having things strike me in the head to get my attention. I now know beyond a shadow of a dowbt what my calling is. I absolutely know the direction I'm headed. Everything is not absolutely defined, but I am so much closer.

I revere so many creative women. I watch the progress... see how they take each step so sure of their selves. I often wonder "how did they get here?" and now I'm seeing that in my own life. Amazing!

I've written before about how Fall is a time for renewal for me. I take cues from nature, and I see the leaves falling, I see the trees standing before me, naked, and perfect. It is a magical time of year for me. Looking back, I often start some amazing journeys during this time of year. And so it is this year as well... working towards my true North, and beginning The Artist's Way again.

I believe I'll be starting next week, and from that point, the next 12 weeks (or more, depending on how the holidays extend it) will be a wild ride. I am already buckling in and getting ready...

Mourning...

This is the barn outside the gate at my work. It collapsed on January 13, 2010. Exactly one month before my Dad passed away. I took this picture yesterday. It is fading away, moving so little that we can't even tell, yet, it's shifting and going back to the earth.

My grief is the same way. It shifts a little each day. It will always be part of me, but like this barn becoming the earth, my grief will meld and not even be visible after a time.

I consider this barn to be one of Dad's gifts to me. He loved old barns and we went out to photo some in Utah on my visit. I believe he knew I would draw lessons from this old barn that I drive by every day. And I'm thankful.

Ramblings and a Rant

I was going to write today about my mourning journey. But I have a specific set of photos I want to include so that must wait til tomorrow. Instead, I've been thinking a lot about my quest for authenticity and I'm in process of some chats with some people who I know have come a long, long ways in their own authenticity. I'm thinking about making that a regular topic.

But today, a small rant. I was talking to a family member yesterday. She actually blamed some HUGE mistakes she's made in her life on others in the family. They didn't check on her when she was grieving, so she did stupid things. She didn't like it very well when I asked why anyone should check on her when they were ALL grieving. And I also asked if she had bothered checking on anyone else.

She didn't like what I had to say and ended the conversation. My real point is that I'm done enabling. I am done trying to soothe the crazymakers. Some may want help, may accept things said to help them. Then there are those that don't want anything but more attendees at their pity party. No thank you!

Sorry for that. I had a rant. Sometimes a girl just has to vent, you know? And now I feel better. In fact, all of this *is* part of my quest for authenticity. No wounded birds, not getting sucked in by the crazymakers. It's very important.

What revelations have you had?

Slow and Steady

I have put my quest for authenticity on the back burner. I will not be focusing on it. I know enough to know that if I work on my goals throughout the month that authenticity will be a natural side effect. It will just happen.

And besides, if I were totally honest, I'm light years ahead of the life I was living just 5 years ago. 2 years ago. 1 year ago. I am traveling towards true North so fast that if I tried to calculate my head would spin.

My other goals, they are coming along. Slow and steady wins the race, yeah? I do feel a bit like I'm spinning my wheels already.. but I must remember today is only the 3rd. Breathe.

On a side note, I'm still raising funds for my brother and his children's Christmas. The donate button is on the upper right of my blog.

I've Got Goals

I wrote out a list of goals for the month yesterday. Broke them into 4 categories and wrote VERY specific goals.

This is a first for me. To be so organized in my goal-making.

But I have to. This is a big month for me. Holiday sales on Etsy, NaNoWriMo is starting (I am not participating, but I do have BIG goals for my novel for the month).

And last month I felt like I was paddling, paddling, paddling, and getting absolutely nowhere. I don't like that feeling at all.

So now everything is outlined. I have people who will hold me accountable. And now it's time. Time for the hard work that makes goals so difficult to keep.