When You are Dying...

When you have a diagnosis, and you have something with no cure... when you have the same disease that your mother died from... when you are dying:

You stop seeing the vibrant colors of the every day. You lose the pep in your step. Your life stops being about excelling. It gets to be about surviving. You start putting your affairs in order. You try to make sure the "survivors" will be ok.

You stop growing. You stop setting goals aside from "don't lose this ability", "don't get sicker". You stop contributing to the world.

You put your novel away, figuring you'll never be alive to finish it anyway.

But mostly, you lose hope. You stop inspiring others. You stop giving, you try not to take too much, but you stop contributing.

6 years were robbed from me. 6 years I no longer saw the bright everyday colors.

But today I sit here shaking my fist at that diagnosis. I see the colors, I excel each and every day. I am working on projects and I am contributing.

In the Event of an Emergency

When you visit the Oregon Coast, you see the above sign everywhere. It's a bit unnerving... but at the same time, it's nice that there is an evacuation route. This photo makes me think about emergency plans. I think it's so important to communicate the most horrible "what ifs" and take the proper steps to get what's necessary in writing.

I recently had the discussion about "what if I were in a car accident and had no brain function", "what if there were usable organs", "what if YOU could choose the time they'd turn off the machine and who could be there", "who should have a say in all of the decisions". A bit morbid? I don't think so, really. My Dad and stepmom, as most of you know, passed away recently. And even though they were not in great health, NO plans had been made. No-one knew what their wishes were... that made it a bit harder.

So... I have some emergency plans laid out, others need to be put into writing. But I am getting there. And, I will be discussing my wishes with loved ones. Not on a constant basis, it will NOT be my focus in life. But I will let them know it's ok to talk to me about it...

Anyway... there are sooooo many subjects I could cover here... "in the event of an emergency" perhaps I will get to those later.