I am becoming very well versed in shifts. Personal shifts. I remember studying plate tectonics in school, and this journey reminds me of that. I am often surprised at the shifts occurring. Yesterday, for instance, a kinder, gentler Robyn appeared at work. Work is the one place that I am most guarded. Most un-authentic. But a merge is occurring.
I am receiving clarity in so many areas. Areas that I had not even thought that I would receive it in. Work. Planning for the future. There are major shifts going on, and I'm riding it out, quite happily.
At the close of every year, I take inventory, and I make plans for the upcoming year. This year is no different... and vastly different. It has been an amazing, heart-wrenching, huge growth kind of year. I could have been devastated by the events, instead, I have grown. I have faced each and every challenge and worked my way through it. I feel like I'm approaching 2011 with a much clearer path, with a knowledge that I've been working towards this particular year for a very long time.
*raising my glass* Here's to walking through the fire, riding out the shifts, and receiving clarity.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Monday, November 29, 2010
I made a big realization the other night about myself. I was helping someone, coaching them. And I said to them that they will get to a point where they are thankful for the trials in life, because it will help them to grow.
The realization was that I believe this to my core. I have trials, and I struggle. But I am thankful for them because I have been a witness to the fact that during those times (and immediately after) is when the bulk of growth occurs.
This has been the most difficult year of my life, with so many family deaths. I have grieved so much for them. At the same time, I have become utterly familiar with the stages of grief, making me more able to help others through it.
Every single thing has made me the person I am.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
I have had chronic headaches for 17 years. In that 17 years, I've maybe had a month of days without a headache. So, 3 years ago, I was put on a med to help me to not have them. After rounds of tests, and finding no reason, yes, I've had my head examined :-). The med never got rid of them, and I've quit it cold turkey several times, spinning me into a dark abyss. So I would go back on it.
I am in the process of weaning off of the med, now, slowly. And there is a view of the dark abyss, but I am staying out of there, moving slowly around the edge of it to pass it.
So... if I seem a little 'off' or maybe short, or cranky, that is why. I'm fighting a battle. But I'm doing it the smart way and I'll move past it. And soon, the real me will be back.
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Many of you have taken my Artist Empowerment Class, and you know that there is an Artist Empowerment Class, Part 2 coming up in the new year!!! However, for those of you who haven't taken part 1, I'm offering one on one coaching with you to work you through class 1 and get you ready for class 2. Contact me at email@example.com and I will send you an information sheet, with the rate and all the details!
My class members have been moved by the class... and yes, extremely empowered. Please see their input on the link above. I can't wait to see you all in my part 2 class... Let's get you to the same point they are!!!
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
This quote greeted me on facebook yesterday.
"When you feel inspired, what appeared to be risky becomes a path you feel compelled to follow. The risks are gone because you're following your bliss, which is the truth within you." ~ Dr. Wayne W. Dyer
I stand here before you today to testify to you that there is nothing more true than this quote. I have some huge things I am working on. And I should be scared sh*tless. But I'm not because I am *so* inspired!!!
I'll reveal more soon... and I call this photo "The God Cloud" do you like it?
I've written a post before about how important my friends are to me. Yesterday I posted on facebook that I need to have a gathering of my tribe, my girlies... I have some really important things to discuss and there are times the tribe is the only way to move through something, past it, to the other glorious side.
I was telling another friend about it and she was like 'you have a tribe?' I've never used that term before, but it's as good a term as any, doncha think? Most of these women I have never met in real life. And I really don't think it lessens the value of the friendship a bit.
I've met these amazing women on twitter, facebook, etsy. They are the most real people that I know. They are smart, articulate, motivated, thoughtful. Overall amazing :-)
So... I am getting by... with a little help from my friends. And I'd have it no other way!
Sunday, November 14, 2010
I am embarking on the biggest, most rewarding journey of my life. And I was struck with the realization today. What I realized is this:
Every. Single. Thing. So. Far. In. My. Life. Has. Brought. Me. To. Where. I. Am. Today.
Amen, I say, after this hits me like a lightning bolt.
Every ounce of grief has taught me compassion for the human condition.
Being the caregiver for a bedridden mother taught me the same, along with perserverance.
The knowledge that even though my grandparents were very strict, bordering on abusive, the knowledge that even though they dealt with me with a strong hand, that they loved me absolutely and did the best job they were equipped to do.
Being a job developer for developmentally delayed adults taught me how to think outside the box and create opportunities.
Being the administrator of an alzheimer's unit taught me how to deal with staff and encourage them to perform their job duties well.
Working for a temp agency exposed me to jobs I never would have considered previously. Working the job I've now held for 5 years has helped me learn so many things.
My post-marital relationship with my first husband, and the amazing co-parenting we've done has taught me about fighting against the odds. Even my chaotic, drama filled 2nd marriage taught me so much about how people deal in certain circumstances, and how interpersonal relationships are affected by factors both internal and external.
Every single thing has brought me to where I am. And for that, I am thankful!
Friday, November 12, 2010
I see my goal, can practically reach out and touch it. And I want to zoom forward at the speed of light. I mean, I am so ready. But things take time. And things take money. And I spin my wheels in anticipation of the amazing outcome.
I may not have to wait as long as I'm thinking right now... I need to have some conversations with some amazing people. I am on my way, and this new life I have been carving for myself is already wondrous beyond my belief.
What are you working towards? Are you running into speed bumps? Brick walls?
Thursday, November 11, 2010
I am inching forward towards my goal, and at this point, it should be a reality within the year. I can see it, totally see it as a reality. Another thing I can see is Dad being proud of me. That's a good feeling.
I am working towards a more authentic life. One that fits me like a glove and isn't concerned about what the people who don't truly matter (those who are heavy with opinions and no action) have to say.
I am so excited... and all this is happening before I'm even starting the Artist's Way... I'm in for a wild ride!!
What do you have going on that is exciting and thrilling you?
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Yesterday I ached. Muscles that I never knew I had hurt. Why? Because we got a playstation Move game that had sword fighting in it and I had gotten quite a workout the day before ;-). It is seriously addictive, and it's a LOT of physical work. Two very good things, eh?
But I was sore. It hurt to move. It affected my mood. I felt a bit defeated, actually, throughout the day, moving around like an old lady. I wasn't as upbeat and positive as I usually am. My physical affected my emotional. What an eye opener that was.
I am working with someone who has chronic pain. Mine was a very small window, but I can understand a bit more about how she might be affected.
I did two things yesterday that were out of character. One, I bought myself a small gift. Something that I had been wanting for years, but the last time I went to buy, the shop was closed. I happened upon the new shop yesterday and made the purchase. The other thing I did. Despite my aching, I made myself play that game again. I know the muscle aches were due to a good workout, so I did it again. And I'll do it tonight as well.
I learn lessons every single day. I don't know how to NOT.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
I have been thinking a lot about life lately, and my true North has presented itself to me. Initially I thought that I couldn't share it with anyone in my life for fear of being laughed at. But now I've told some people and they feel my sincerity. I feel myself being propelled forward. I am moving in baby steps, but I am going forward.
I have been filled to the brim with an excited energy for awhile now. My mind is always going, with a million thoughts. The best ones are the excitement on working towards my goals and my gratitude for all that life has to offer.
I sincerely hope that each of you is feeling the same sort of excitement in some area of your life.
Monday, November 8, 2010
I spent a lot of time this weekend pondering my true North. Thinking about what it is that I want to be. No, that's not right. I spent a lot of time this weekend having things strike me in the head to get my attention. I now know beyond a shadow of a dowbt what my calling is. I absolutely know the direction I'm headed. Everything is not absolutely defined, but I am so much closer.
I revere so many creative women. I watch the progress... see how they take each step so sure of their selves. I often wonder "how did they get here?" and now I'm seeing that in my own life. Amazing!
I've written before about how Fall is a time for renewal for me. I take cues from nature, and I see the leaves falling, I see the trees standing before me, naked, and perfect. It is a magical time of year for me. Looking back, I often start some amazing journeys during this time of year. And so it is this year as well... working towards my true North, and beginning The Artist's Way again.
I believe I'll be starting next week, and from that point, the next 12 weeks (or more, depending on how the holidays extend it) will be a wild ride. I am already buckling in and getting ready...
Friday, November 5, 2010
This is the barn outside the gate at my work. It collapsed on January 13, 2010. Exactly one month before my Dad passed away. I took this picture yesterday. It is fading away, moving so little that we can't even tell, yet, it's shifting and going back to the earth.
My grief is the same way. It shifts a little each day. It will always be part of me, but like this barn becoming the earth, my grief will meld and not even be visible after a time.
I consider this barn to be one of Dad's gifts to me. He loved old barns and we went out to photo some in Utah on my visit. I believe he knew I would draw lessons from this old barn that I drive by every day. And I'm thankful.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
I was going to write today about my mourning journey. But I have a specific set of photos I want to include so that must wait til tomorrow. Instead, I've been thinking a lot about my quest for authenticity and I'm in process of some chats with some people who I know have come a long, long ways in their own authenticity. I'm thinking about making that a regular topic.
But today, a small rant. I was talking to a family member yesterday. She actually blamed some HUGE mistakes she's made in her life on others in the family. They didn't check on her when she was grieving, so she did stupid things. She didn't like it very well when I asked why anyone should check on her when they were ALL grieving. And I also asked if she had bothered checking on anyone else.
She didn't like what I had to say and ended the conversation. My real point is that I'm done enabling. I am done trying to soothe the crazymakers. Some may want help, may accept things said to help them. Then there are those that don't want anything but more attendees at their pity party. No thank you!
Sorry for that. I had a rant. Sometimes a girl just has to vent, you know? And now I feel better. In fact, all of this *is* part of my quest for authenticity. No wounded birds, not getting sucked in by the crazymakers. It's very important.
What revelations have you had?
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
I have put my quest for authenticity on the back burner. I will not be focusing on it. I know enough to know that if I work on my goals throughout the month that authenticity will be a natural side effect. It will just happen.
And besides, if I were totally honest, I'm light years ahead of the life I was living just 5 years ago. 2 years ago. 1 year ago. I am traveling towards true North so fast that if I tried to calculate my head would spin.
My other goals, they are coming along. Slow and steady wins the race, yeah? I do feel a bit like I'm spinning my wheels already.. but I must remember today is only the 3rd. Breathe.
On a side note, I'm still raising funds for my brother and his children's Christmas. The donate button is on the upper right of my blog.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
I wrote out a list of goals for the month yesterday. Broke them into 4 categories and wrote VERY specific goals.
This is a first for me. To be so organized in my goal-making.
But I have to. This is a big month for me. Holiday sales on Etsy, NaNoWriMo is starting (I am not participating, but I do have BIG goals for my novel for the month).
And last month I felt like I was paddling, paddling, paddling, and getting absolutely nowhere. I don't like that feeling at all.
So now everything is outlined. I have people who will hold me accountable. And now it's time. Time for the hard work that makes goals so difficult to keep.