Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Painting again

So... I am painting again. I finally have almost all of my painting stuff moved over and organized in a usable area. I am working on a book cover for my friend Kev... sort of a Warhol-ish painting. And I am planning out some paintings for my boys' rooms.

Also, I am going to get back on the horse and start promoting my work again. And, well, I was told that for each acceptance one should expect 10 rejections... so, I have a ways to go. And that is ok. I'm not going anywhere.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Pleasant surprises

One thing that keeps occuring to me during my talks with my dad is how alike he and I are. Very strange. But I must say it's a nice surprise. He may get released today... he's down to 3 1/2 liters of oxygen and the doctor said his lungs sound great!

Monday, May 26, 2008

Good news!

I just got of the phone with my dad. He told me that the blood infection was a fluke... meaning that the first test said he had infection in his blood, but the three following test showed none at all. So that is great news!

Also, I talked to my oldest sister today and she is doing much better. She is accepting that Lynda's decisions are her own, and all we can do is pray and love her. I am glad that she is at a good place with it.

Of course... none of us want Lynda to be going through this. We all want to help her, we would all do anything, give anything... but she does not want us. Hopefully she will get at a place that she does trust us and is willing to let us help her.

Sunday, May 25, 2008

Thank goodness for busy-ness

I still really have no idea what to think about my sister situation. My oldest sister is devastated and not doing well at all. The brothers are harder to read. I still wish that I could hold Lynda until she could see again.

My dad... he still sounds like he is in good spirits. However, yesterday they found out that not only does he have pneumococcal pneumonia, but an infection showed up in his blood. So... I drew the conclusion that he is septic. They are still keeping him on 11 liters of oxygen. His norm is 3-4. And yesterday his doctor was talking about lowering the liters, but he took the oxygen off of him for about a minute and his sats went from 92 to 62. So, on 11 liters he stays. So, come Tuesday at the earliest they will fly him to a better hospital, well a hospital where his lung specialist is. And hopefully things will get better.

We have all the big stuff moved over now... now we just need to put all our extra stuff in storage and clean the house we moved out of. I hate moving, but I am glad to be kept busy right now.

Friday, May 23, 2008

Welcome to my may not want to come in

I am swirling emotions right now. I am sad, relieved, and mad as hell. But I will get to that.

My dad has pneumococcal pneumonia, the worst type possible. He is willing to stay in the hospital and receive treatment until it is better. I've spoken to him twice today and he sounds wonderful. He is in very good spirits. And I am relieved.

Well, synchronicity has struck again! Last night I finally opened up on here about my sister. And this afternoon my oldest sister called me sobbing. "I found Lynda," she sobbed to me. And I assumed the worst. But, many times reality is worse... and cruel. Lynda is alive. However, according to the police, she is on drugs and mentally ill. She told them that she wanted absolutely nothing to do with any of us. I am so relieved that she is alive. And I am so sad that she is choosing drugs over us. Over her son. And that makes me mad as hell. I want to go there and hunt her down and hug her. And hold her until she can see again. See what family is and see that she is risking everything... people who love her unconditionally.

There are 5 of us siblings. We are normal people. We have issues, we have trials, we've all made bad choices-- who hasn't??? And there is nothing she can do to make us stop loving her. I just wish she could see. I just wish I could hold her... stroke her hair... and let her feel the love that we all have for her.

I am so sad...

Life... as we know it

My dad is in the hospital again. Apparently he still has pneumonia. I spoke to him this morning and asked him to please stay in long enough for them to help him. Last time he was in he stayed one day and he didn't get rid of the pneumonia.

He has black lung, osteoporosis, COPD. He has assured me that he will stay alive long enough to see me in July... but I am wise enough to know that he can't guarantee that.

A little background... my parents divorced right after I was born. I never lived with my dad... he lives in Utah, I grew up in South Texas. We never had a fight, just never really talked. Years and years went by with no contact. I saw him at my mom's funeral when I was 14. I saw him again when I was 16. Then a handful of other times in my life. Neither of us did anything to keep in touch with one another... not due to hurt feelings or bad relations... we just didn't contact one another.

But... now I'm 36, and I'd like to think much wiser. I ended my call to him this morning with "I love you" and he said it too. That was nice. My brother will keep me posted and if dad does not improve, I will fly there to see him. However, I would prefer to see him in July with my entire family. My children need to meet their grandpa. I am smart enough to know that he is not long for this world. And, I could beat myself up for not having a relationship with him before recently. The past can't be changed. But now... we have what time we have. If I get brave enough, I will post a poem that I wrote for my dad a few years ago.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Inspiration... and synchronicity

I found an amazing blog today... it inspired me beyond belief. I am exhausted from moving (it's a local move, so we've been in the process of moving for a week now), but I have an over-abundance of nervous energy now. I must create. I have to write.

GG and I, as you've been told, dear reader, have been doing The Artist's Way. It got slightly put aside due to her family emergencies, her trip to Mexico, and now my move. But we still are on our path. I put a link to GG's blog on the bottom of my blog by the way.

And now, back to the amazing blog. I truly feel like I've made a new friend, in reading Geoff's blog. I can't even tell you how I found it... just some randome searching at work. And I read his entire blog in one sitting. Here is a link to his blog: I encourage all creatives to read it. His journey is inspiring... his words touched me in such a way, it's difficult to put into words.

A major component of The Artist's Way is synchronicity. GG and I are very aware of synchronicity, and hopefully we will continue to be.

One example of recent synchronicity... my sister is missing. She has been missing for two years. I was talking to GG's husband about it the other day and he went and grabbed a newspaper that he had just been reading and it was about sending a DNA swab to the national DNA database. That way, if she is found, at least we can be notified... synchronicity. Of course, that points to the worst case scenario. And we all hope she is well. Lynda, if somehow synchronicity brings you to this page... we all love you and miss you dearly. Please contact us.

And now... I must say that so many have touched my life. Every single thing that has happened to me in my life has molded me into being the person that I am. And I love who I am. So... if you are reading this and you have regrets for some random past transgression against me, please know that you are most likely forgiven. Life is hard, sometimes bad choices are made and I am certainly not exempt from making my share. There are many people in my life who have either passed away or I've lost touch with. Each and every one is a profound loss. Daily I miss my mom and my grandparents... but I believe they are with me.

One song that speaks all of these thoughts the best is "In my life" by the Beatles... one of my all-time favorite songs.

In My Life
by the Beatles

There are places I remember
All my life, though some have changed
Some forever not for better
Some have gone and some remain
All these places had their moments
With lovers and friends
I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life I've loved them all
But of all these friends and lovers
there is no one compares with you
And these memories lose their meaning
When I think of love as something new
Though I know I'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I'll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more
Though I know I'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I'll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more
In my life I love you more

With that amazing song now going though your head...I think I will say goodnight.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Moving... and the old old house

We are moving from a house built in 1932 to an apartment. With the economy the way it is, we just thought we should probably pare back. We are at that process of moving where everything but the beds, bathrooms and clothes have been moved over to the apartment. So we are still sleeping in the house.

This morning we woke to sounds of rushing water. Apparently we sprung a leak in the pipes somewhere-- I think between the kitchen and laundry room. So, 3" of water in the basement, flooded laundry room, partially flooded kitchen and it was all we could do to just turn the power to the pump off. Our poor landlord will hear my voice on his voice mail when he wakes.

I will not miss the plumbing and electrical problems of an old house.

Monday, May 12, 2008


I have a very hard time describing my artistic style, especially when approaching a gallery or other artists. I paint in oil, acrylic, oil pastels... I paint abstracts, representational, some realism. I also do mixed media and collage. So... difficult to describe my style to anyone. And since my work is so varied, it is also difficult to decide what to submit to galleries. I definitely try to match the style of the venue, but that doesn't always help me to narrow it down.

I was advised by a gallery one time to submit 3-5 cohesive works... meaning works that were of the same style and went well together. That in itself is difficult. What if I choose something I like, that I really want to showcase but it goes against their grain? What if other works of mine would have fit their criteria but I failed to choose the right ones?

I have recently had a bad gallery experience. I chose the unorthodox option of taking 3 items in that were completely different. That, however, was not something they found fault with. I had read their regulations and put wire on the back of the paintings, along with felt discs on the corners to protect their walls. And I carried them in. The woman who did the intake was mortified that I did not have them wrapped. I put a protective coating of some sort on all of my work, and she pretty much had a cow that the oil painting was not wrapped... lecturing about how it's an oil painting and it can't be handled. She also had an issue with the way I put the wire on the backs, though I put it on the same way I've seen on a million paintings, and I made sure to be extra careful to not have anything protruding to harm the walls. This woman also made the point to ask, more than once, "when we don't jury you in, will you be able to pick up your pieces tonight? we don't want to be responsible for another artist's work"... so, when I was called a bit later and told I was not juried in, it was no real surprise. Not a surprise, but quite painful nonetheless.

The only surprise to me was that another member of the 'board' had recommended I bring my work in and said there was no reason that it would not be accepted.

So... how corrupt is our system? I felt completely victimized. I felt like that woman was on some sort of power trip and their jurying system was very political, and very flawed.

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Another blog post of mine

I think it's a good article... let me know what you think!

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

A poem I wrote for my children

They Learn

I think of the children,
three amazing boys.
I wish I could sit them down
and tell them how to live.
Be true to yourself,
always do the right thing.
I wish I could build a dam
against any pain that might come their way.
But I know better,
everything happens for a reason.
Sometimes pain is a catalyst for growth.
I know that any pain they feel,
we will also feel,
that can’t be helped.
We will continue to feel pride in their growth,
we will hold them when they stumble,
worry when they are faced with difficult times
and always we will teach them,
teach them to own up to their mistakes
and to right their wrongs.
We will show them how to find the good in others
and support them when they realize
that sometimes the best thing is to give someone space.
We will continue to show them how to love,
because we know that even when no words are spoken,
perhaps especially then,
they see and they learn.

Out of control

So much is going on in my life these days... very little of it good. I got a message today that my dad is in the hospital with pneumonia. Not good for a man with black lung disease who is already on oxygen. However, the nurse said he is receiving the treatment well.

So... that news added on top of all of our other news this week (that our landlord is thinking about raising our rent so we will be moving soon, that Aaron's job may not be as secure as we had thought and he needs to find new employment, that my middle son separated his shoulder while dirt-biking), is really taking it's toll on me.

I will hang in there though. What freakin' choice do I have?? I am tough.

I am working on a new book cover for my friend Kev. That, along with house-hunting and packing, should keep me very busy. I also found some of my poetry that I had stored on the computer, so I will post some of that soon.

GG, if you see this, I hope you are having a wonderful time and I will see you soon. Would you be interested in coming over for a bbq on sat?

Friday, May 2, 2008

My Cover Art

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