Yesterday I started the day with such good intentions. Then, about an hour into work, I got a phone call. My brother, Shane called. I knew something was up because Shane and I don't call each other, we text. His first words, "did my wife or Tony (my other brother) call you yet?" My heart sank. Shane told me that Tony's wife had died in her sleep. She and Tony had gone to bed the night before. She didn't wake up. My heart hurt all day. I cried throughout the day at work. I stayed really busy, because that is sometimes best.
Tony and Misty were together for 15 years. They have 3 children, the oldest being 13. Misty was 32 years old. I talked to Misty on facebook just last week. She was so happy and telling me all about their son's football games.
I talked to my brother Tony last night. We cried together for a time. I can't imagine the extent of his pain. Yet, he has to be strong for those children. Those 3 wondrous beings who have lost their mom. I want to do something for them. I just am not sure what yet. I thought about taking donations to go towards her funeral, or towards the kids' Christmas. Please help me. If you have ideas of what I can do, please let me know.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Yesterday almost held more challenges than I could handle. I struggled through it, felt like I was swimming upstream, exhausted and on the verge of drowning. My best friend and soul sister tried to help me up out of my own personal muck and I didn't even attempt to pull myself out using the rope she was throwing me. Not very much like me. Not at all.
Today I'm making a pledge to hold my head above water at all costs. Maybe I'll have to totally relax and float instead of struggling for a time. Maybe I'll have to grab onto that roap. Whatever it takes today. Whatever it takes, that is my pledge.
Monday, September 27, 2010
I took some Me time this weekend... just a bit. And I had a great weekend. Some really awesome things are happening, and I am excited.
I woke up so tired this morning, though. I will get over it, I wake up tired every monday. The alarm goes off about 2 hours earlier on Monday than I wake up on the weekends.
My plans for this week include making time for writing and making more journals for my shop. What are your plans for the week?
Friday, September 24, 2010
This has been a long week. I'm really thankful it's Friday. I have some important things to do tomorrow, but from about 3pm on through Sunday will be about me. I'm sure I'll clean some, and cook some, make some journals... but it's all stuff that I want/need to do.
I've been feeling, since I was sick, that no time is my own anymore. So, I will claim some back. And I know, that just like before, time will grow to accomodate all I've got going on. It always does.
How will you be spending your weekend?
Thursday, September 23, 2010
I am tired today. Was out late last night helping a friend. So today the plan is to get through work, and this evening will be mostly about rest. I have to. I'm exhausted.
I do find myself feeling guilty for that. But I honestly feel I need to get over it. The help last night was physically and mentally exhausting. And it's time to refill the well.
How do you rest, refill, recharge without feeling guilty?
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
I receive a daily karma email in my inbox every morning. Today, this is what it had to say:
Surround yourself with good... It leaves less room for the other
So that's what I will strive to do throughout the day... surround myself with good.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
I posted yesterday about my desire to make changes in my life. Many of these changes are quite personal and it scares me to share them. But I will, in time, I am sure.
Yesterday, I was a bit more active. Tried to remain more calm and collected at work. And I ate healthier. I didn't do all the things I had hoped to work towards my goals. But it was my first day.
I need to prioritize things in my life. I need to show up at the page. I may even need to make friends with my camera again.
Truthfully, I'm not absolutely sure what changes I need to make. Or maybe what I don't know is how exactly to get from point a to poing b. I am trying, however, to state my intentions with each step forward.
Monday, September 20, 2010
I realized some things yesterday. Was faced with some changes that I need to make. I need to get back on track. I need to move some things around in my life. Putting the focus back on my health. And also, remembering my goals.
Recently, when I was sick for a week, all of my goals were washed away by the necessity to just feel better. I stopped exercising. I wasn't eating properly or regularly. I stopped writing my novel (blaming that on getting writer's block, which I'm working through).
My life is FULL. My metaphorical plate is overflowing. It's time to put things right again. I have healthy lunches for the week at work, I have a renewed exercise schedule. I will be also scheduling writing and journal making.
Tonight I'm going to a meeting... so I have to adjust around that. But I will figure it out. The main thing I have to remember is to take care of myself with a more holistic approach. I can no longer be too busy to deal with emotions. Before, I think I was running from Dad's death. I kept myself amazingly busy for over 6 months time. And I succeeded in running from it for that long. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks. The depression swooped down on me and engulfed me. Then... and I'm sure they are related, I got sick. A type of sick that I couldn't ignore. A fever for a week. Complete mind and body fatigue.
I need to learn how to deal. How to not run from emotions. How to stay on track with all of my busy-ness without running myself down.
So I'm on a new quest. The quest for my balancing point.
Friday, September 17, 2010
I woke up this morning feeling so much better. I can't say for sure that the illness I've had is gone... but it feels like it is! So, I have a renewed energy, and can focus on some of my goals. This weekend should be busy and amazing.
I have been completely not myself lately. Wanting to accomplish things, but being physically unable. Now, once more, I can hit the ground running. But yes, I will be sure to do some excellent self care as well. I don't want to find myself in that same position of overworked, overstressed illness again.
The class is going amazingly well. We've all gotten to know each other a bit, we've had our first chat (which I made a bit rockier than needed to be), and we're off! I can tell already it's an amazing group, and I am so thankful for each and every one of them.
This weekend will be about growing my new business. Talking with people, sharing a bit. And bettering lives...
Thursday, September 16, 2010
I've been lamenting a lack of time for a week now. I've been sick, and have had no energy whatsoever. I hope that I'm on the mend now. But I realized yesterday, that I have time. I live my life this way. I have 89 projects going, in addition to running a household. Teaching a class. Running an etsy shop. Writing a novel. And starting a homebased business. It's all ok. Things fall into place. Whether I worry or not.
So today I will try to worry less, and simply be productive. I've had 2 sick days this week, so I'll be trying to get back into the groove at work.
What do you do when you think you don't have enough time for all that is going on?
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Another coptic stitch journal I created. This one will be listed in my shop soon. I have had a terrible head cold now for about 5 days. Low grade fever, stuffy nose, complete lack of energy/ambition.
Today I will stay home, treat the fever (which is higher today) with herbs and medication, hot baths, and naps. I will be back full force soon.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
In a thread I'm in on Etsy, I issued a challenge yesterday. I called it the "back to basics challenge". The above photo is one of the coptic stitch journals I made for the challenge. When I first started bookbinding, I learned the coptic stitch. It was my bread and butter for well over a year.
Then I began making leather bound journals, with stab binding, and I never looked back. There seemed to be a market for them, they took less time, and I found my groove with them. But lately, I've been feeling like I need to return to basics. Like I need to remember what it was about bookbinding that drew me in.
So, I went back to basics and it taught me a lot about myself. Soon, I will go back to basics with Buddhism. To return to the path that I started on in 2002. I am on a quest. A quest to remember why I am now where I am.
Monday, September 13, 2010
I was ready. Ready to pull myself out of my muck and start living life again. Leaving depression behind (or at least taking it of the driver's seat), and then towards the end of last week, I got this nasty head cold. Much of Saturday, even though my boys wanted to do other stuff, I snoozed on the couch. Yesterday I started feeling a bit better and dove into class preparations (which started today). Then last night... a stomach bug hit and I am NOT feeling well.
I am calling into work (that is VERY unheard of), and going back to bed.
The photo is the latest journal I listed. What do you think of the pink leather?
Oh... one more thing. Class started today. I'm planning to keep registration open til maybe Friday. And I'd like to offer a "pay what you will" plan. I know that for so many reasons some cannot afford this class... but if you're yearning to take it, email me at email@example.com and i'll invoice you for the amount you can pay.
I'll do it between naps, so if you don't hear from me right away, don't be discouraged.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
I need a lifeline... I have been slipping further and further into my depression/muck for days. I'm usually really great at pulling myself out... but this time it might be more than I can do. I've been suffering from 'what's the point?' for days on end now. I have stopped participating in the forums on etsy, i've talked a bit with friends on facebook, but never quite engaging. I've thought of abandoning this blog.
I'm still thinking.
What I need to know is. Are you out there? Are you listening? Does anyone care?
Posted by Robynsart at 7:14 PM
Sunday, September 5, 2010
I was led, earlier this year to teach an Artist Empowerment Class. I had the vision, and it was amazing. There were ten of us, we met weekly for an hour long chat, we journaled, we cried, we laughed. I was amazingly blessed to lead the group that I had. There was an energy, an electricity, and we all grew so much in our chosen craft!
When that class was over, I asked for testimonials and critiques. Some of the testimonials can be read here. The critiques, I noted, and applied to the planning for my next class, which will duplicate the first, with other participants.
My Artist Empowerment Class is $40. The entry can be paid here or by clicking on the 'pay now' button on the upper right.
The class starts September 13, and I answered some questions about WHO might want to take it here.
In honor of Labor Day, I'd like to offer you 25% off. I will refund $10 back into your paypal after you sign up, or you can contact me for a revised invoice prior to paying! So YOU could be taking this amazing life-altering class for $30 instead of the $40 list price. Act now!
Friday, September 3, 2010
Yesterday, I felt weepy throughout the day. It was a reaction to stress. On the way home, I heard a heartwarming story on the radio, and the tears flowed. In the morning, I read about a group that posts 'love bombs' in the comments on blogs and felt like crying. So much love in this world. So much that a lot of people are unaware of.
Anyway... last week I was weepy, and I blamed it on PMS. I can't blame it on that this week. I'm wondering if this is just what is for me. I've evolved into a weepy, tenderhearted girl? That doesn't bode well for my job. I work around truck drivers and I have to be tough.
I've found myself over compensating at work, by acting much tougher. I need to find the space for the tenderness to be. I need to figure out how to assimilate it into my life. I am really struggling with it. I've always been the stoic one. But Dad's death changed me. And that's ok. I can be tender now, I won't fight it. But I do need to figure out how to fit it in. Why do we always make things so tough on ourselves?
Thursday, September 2, 2010
I have been really challenged at work lately. Struggling through, seeing a lot of negative. Yesterday though I tried something. I had a mantra "I am thankful to have a job" and I repeated it throughout the day. It made the negative much less effective against me. I became impervious. I will try it today, tweaking the mantra as needed. It's been a long week. I'm tired, and I am so looking forward to a 3 day weekend.
I took the evening off from writing on Tuesday. Gave myself a break. Tried to get back to it yesterday, but really couldn't get into the groove. It didn't help that I wasn't feeling 100% healthwise, but hopefully tonight I can get right back on that horse.
I have so many plans... so many upcoming goals. This weekend will be used to refresh and recharge.
If you haven't entered the giveaway for one of my journals, do so here!
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Connie of Dirty Footprints Studio will revealed some amazing September Sweetness! Check it out, there's magic afoot for sure! Read all about it by following this link.
I'm always amazed at the love and support that I get from my online friends! It comes at the most unexpected times. Thank you so much Connie!
So... about this upcoming Artist Empowerment Class of mine. You can read testimonials by following the link at the upper right of my blog. But why would YOU want to take the class?
1. Because it is for anyone who is creative in any way. Whether you're a chef, a writer, a painter, a seamstress... anyone who has creative blood flowing in their veins (I happen to think that's everyone)
2. Because sometimes we get in our own way. We procrastinate, we are afraid of what people will think, we don't have faith in our art, we don't give ourselves permission to put ourselves out there, we feel guilty for spending time creating.
3. Because we let others get in our way. We all have crazymakers (and yes, sometimes it's ourself). We let others dictate whether we spend the time, whether we believe in our artistic selves.
4. Because we deserve to fully immerse ourselves in our creativity. We DESERVE to be happy and successful and amazing.
5. Because others around us deserve for us to move forward and be happy. They deserve all the blessings that will rain down on them when we keep our inner artist's happy.
Leave me messages on here if you have any questions... come dive in! You and your art deserve it!!