Friday, May 23, 2008

Welcome to my may not want to come in

I am swirling emotions right now. I am sad, relieved, and mad as hell. But I will get to that.

My dad has pneumococcal pneumonia, the worst type possible. He is willing to stay in the hospital and receive treatment until it is better. I've spoken to him twice today and he sounds wonderful. He is in very good spirits. And I am relieved.

Well, synchronicity has struck again! Last night I finally opened up on here about my sister. And this afternoon my oldest sister called me sobbing. "I found Lynda," she sobbed to me. And I assumed the worst. But, many times reality is worse... and cruel. Lynda is alive. However, according to the police, she is on drugs and mentally ill. She told them that she wanted absolutely nothing to do with any of us. I am so relieved that she is alive. And I am so sad that she is choosing drugs over us. Over her son. And that makes me mad as hell. I want to go there and hunt her down and hug her. And hold her until she can see again. See what family is and see that she is risking everything... people who love her unconditionally.

There are 5 of us siblings. We are normal people. We have issues, we have trials, we've all made bad choices-- who hasn't??? And there is nothing she can do to make us stop loving her. I just wish she could see. I just wish I could hold her... stroke her hair... and let her feel the love that we all have for her.

I am so sad...


art at teffanys said...

Robyn; After my protective emotions had settled a bit I realized after reading your blog something I had missed. I don't know how I couldn't feel, or see it before but what you are doing in this moment is exactly what your sister needs. Often times shame devides us in whatever circumstance. Looking truth eye-to-eye can be our worst fear. Hold her, stroke her your thoughts and in your prayers and she will feel it. What you, and your siblings are doing in this moment, and in the moments that follow are like dropping water on dry, dead soil. I have seen flowers bloom that were planted 30 plus years ago in forgotten ground lifeless. I speak this from the heart. Love never dies. She hasn't given up yet, or she would not have been found. Love you with all I have to give. GG

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