My Birthday Wishes

Today is my 39th birthday and it's been a roller coaster of a year. I've stretched my wings and learned so many things about myself. I've even come so much closer to my true north and my calling in life.

My 38th year was filled with grief, but that was countered with so much growth. 2010 had it's definite ups and downs. And through it all I learned and grew.

My birthday wishes are for all of us.

I wish us peace this year.

I wish for love and happiness and growth.

I wish that we can hold our tongue and be kind in the face of attack.

And that we all have a strong support system for the difficult times.

I wish for the courage to reach out both TO help others and FOR help at every turn.

I wish for the spirit of giving to grow in us all.

I wish for the wisdom to look back on our trials with gratitude.

And also the wisdom to love everyone in our lives.

I wish for us all to be accepting of others regardless of their differences.

I wish for this year to be the best one yet, and for the years to only make us better.

Acceptance

I spent the weekend around family and friends that I haven't really been around much since my recent divorce from my 2nd husband. We got my oldest son graduated. We had lots of laughs and caught up on old times.

The most amazing thing to me though, is the strain from EVERY prior visit (during my marriage to my 2nd husband), was gone. There was none of the drama, no tension. And everything felt... right. Total acceptance was felt by me, and I'm sure I was giving those same vibes.

It's amazing how the dynamics change, though I can't say it was all about the absence of one person. I have changed drastically. I am calmer, less on edge, and much more at peace. I put that out there, and it helps others at the same time.

My first husband and I have always remained friends. We have 3 amazing sons together, and there is nothing we can't accomplish for those boys when we are a unified front. I hear stories of ugly divorces. Of custody battles. Of couples with children who can NOT get along and it makes me so sad. I am thankful that we can be a family. I'm thankful that the boys have so many adults who love them completely. And I am thankful for acceptance.

What are you thankful for?

Filled with Love

I have the most amazing group of friends! I am overflowing with their love. I'm in the middle of a move, of a divorce, and adjusting to my Dad's passing... yet I am overflowing with love.

I had been talking to my Etsy friends the other day, browsing around Etsy at the same time, and dreaming of decorating my new apartment. I put up several links to different paintings, prints, etc. Then we all commented on each one and I went back to my favorite... a painting with the asian symbol of "acceptance" on it. It was perfect for me, so I made the promise that as soon as I could afford it that it would decorate my new home.

That very painting arrived in my mailbox yesterday. Attached with a card that said "Life is Nothing without friendship"-Cicero. And on the inside it said "To new beginnings" and was signed by a long list of my friends.

My etsy friends... all the ones whose name was on the card, and so many more, have given me love and support every step of the way. When I was in Utah for my Dad's funeral, I checked in with them at least once a day and they let everyone else know how I was. I received so many emails and felt such an outpouring of love. My heart was breaking, and all of these people were helping hold me up.

I was drawn to the painting because my dad was so accepting. Of so many different types of people. It was one of his best qualities, and you could tell by the amazing tribute to him at his funeral. I want to be as accepting as Dad. This will be a daily reminder.

Pics to come soon, after I decorate.

Disappointment

I will be 38 years old this month. I have had my share of disappointment. I've lived, I've loved... I have never shut myself off from feeling, and I have felt the agony and the pain of being disappointed. And I must admit, I have wallowed in it. I have used it as an excuse to build up walls, I've used it to explain to people (quite dramatically) why I have built up walls and have a hardened outer shell.

However, yesterday, I faced some disappointment. And I did none of those things. Initially, it saddened me, but without even thinking, I moved on. Moved into understanding. People can disappoint. But I thought about the why's of it all. And I understand that when people are involved, they are all on their own journey. Perhaps it's simply not time for their paths to cross.

I know I'm being cryptic... but the lesson is what's important. Not the details. Life is good. Sometimes its necessary just to roll with it. And when you can do that... when you are no longer controlled by those negative emotions... then growth has come.