My Birthday Wishes

Today is my 39th birthday and it's been a roller coaster of a year. I've stretched my wings and learned so many things about myself. I've even come so much closer to my true north and my calling in life.

My 38th year was filled with grief, but that was countered with so much growth. 2010 had it's definite ups and downs. And through it all I learned and grew.

My birthday wishes are for all of us.

I wish us peace this year.

I wish for love and happiness and growth.

I wish that we can hold our tongue and be kind in the face of attack.

And that we all have a strong support system for the difficult times.

I wish for the courage to reach out both TO help others and FOR help at every turn.

I wish for the spirit of giving to grow in us all.

I wish for the wisdom to look back on our trials with gratitude.

And also the wisdom to love everyone in our lives.

I wish for us all to be accepting of others regardless of their differences.

I wish for this year to be the best one yet, and for the years to only make us better.

Grow!

As a general rule, I wake up, shower, and blog. No external stuff is in my head, and I write in almost a trance like state. Many times I go back and read later, and the words are foreign to me. Anyway... It all comes from within. Not from something I see on cnn, the newspaper, or anywhere online.

Today is a little different. I'm off today and I've had a few conversations with online friends already. I see people in my daily encounters online who are growing by leaps and bounds. Women who are gaining self-confidence, self-love, self-ACCEPTANCE. And sometimes there are people in their lives who would rather they didn't gain any of those things.

You know... I gained all of those things over time, and there were many relationships that didn't survive. I can honestly say though that in the forms they were in, they shouldn't have survived. So... what do you do when you are changing at the speed of light but those around you are acting as speed bumps? You grow anyway! You take care of you. Of course, you take care of your household too. But you grow.

When someone is clutching at your ankles, trying to keep you from progressing, you keep going. I fully believe that women are BETTER wives, mothers, lovers, friends if they feel whole and empowered. Always keep growing, no matter the speed bumps!

Change

Some days, I really don't have a lot to say. I woke up to a friend's email about heartbreak. And it's nothing I can fix. I can console her. I can offer to tell off the offender. I can offer a band-aid. But I can't fix it.

That used to not be enough for me. I'd go crazy trying to fix all the problems around me. It would send me off into a depression because so many things can't be fixed, and I feel so deeply. But I have learned over time how to isolate those feelings. How to not let them become personal, and not let them affect me physically.

That took me almost 38 years. I'm that kind of stubborn. I can compare myself now to the me of 5 years ago. The change is amazing. And the farther back I go, the more remarkable the change is. Friends that I have now, would not have befriended the Robyn of before. I don't think I would have either. I have come so far.

However, the me of today probably won't be recognized by the me 5 years from now either. Personal growth is changing me and shaping me every single day. And that's a good thing. I hope that change never ceases in my life...

Disappointment

I will be 38 years old this month. I have had my share of disappointment. I've lived, I've loved... I have never shut myself off from feeling, and I have felt the agony and the pain of being disappointed. And I must admit, I have wallowed in it. I have used it as an excuse to build up walls, I've used it to explain to people (quite dramatically) why I have built up walls and have a hardened outer shell.

However, yesterday, I faced some disappointment. And I did none of those things. Initially, it saddened me, but without even thinking, I moved on. Moved into understanding. People can disappoint. But I thought about the why's of it all. And I understand that when people are involved, they are all on their own journey. Perhaps it's simply not time for their paths to cross.

I know I'm being cryptic... but the lesson is what's important. Not the details. Life is good. Sometimes its necessary just to roll with it. And when you can do that... when you are no longer controlled by those negative emotions... then growth has come.