Round Table Discussion. Pt. 1

The above picture is listed in my friend Mich's shop. In all fairness, Mich's real name is Theresa, but when I first met her she had an etsy shop named Michigan Hemp. I've always known her as Mich. I am sure I always will. She has since closed that shop, and moved all over to The Happy Soul on etsy. Mich's blog can be found here. She is an amazing individual, a wonderful crafter, and my soul sister.

Mich left the following comment on my blog last week: "Fantastic! So that's the secret, huh? Giving yourself permission and then stating your wishes? That makes sense. I've never stated ALL of my intentions and wishes to anyone other than you. I think some of what's holding me back is that I'm scared they will think I'm crazy or foolish. I've had many dreams fall to the wayside due to the negative responses from others. It seems that as soon as someone plants that single seed of doubt in my mind, it grows to a fullflourished weed that I cannot get rid of. I'll definitely have to work on letting my dreams and intentions be known, and to also not let that seed of negativity stay planted in my mind."

That one comment led to the following conversation. A conversation between artists, between women, between sisters, and between friends.

Me: What I would mainly like to focus on is how others can crush our dreams, whether they mean to or not, and why we so readily allow that. I think that when we create, we expose a bit of our soul. We put ourselves out there, and show this part of us that most likely was never encouraged or protected when we were children. We completely expose ourselves when we create and this opens our soul up for attacks by people who have agendas (whether conscious or not) to break us down. Crazymakers can come in many forms. From a spouse who is uncomfortable with us "moving away from them" to a sibling or parent who was never encouraged either so they have no idea how to encourage.
So... how do we protect our inner artist from these attacks? Trust me, there is NO way to keep the attacks from occurring, short of putting an end to the creating.

Mich: I think that having the confidence in yourself and your work is vital. BELIEVING that who you are and what you create is worthy of exploration. If we have this confidence, it is easier to defuse the comments before they become seeds of doubt.

Me: But how? If you were never encouraged as a child, how do you get to that point where you believe?

Mich: think that some people actually never do, but for the ones that can accomplish it, maybe taking the risk and putting themselves out there? Finding a great support group to give you the honest feedback that you need?

Me: I think the support group is the most important personally. It helps us to nourish the inner artist, and they surround us with love, acceptance, ideas, and all of that acts as a cushion when the attacks come.

Mich: definitely! They also deflate any negative bubbles that may happen into our worlds. If that seed of doubt does get planted, they are the weed pullers!

Me: I've been very blessed to find some master gardeners! Not only do they pull the weeds, but they fertilize, help us turn the soil...

Mich: totally! me too! Some people aren't as lucky as we have been, though. We might need to offer suggestions as to where they can find the kind of support that they need.

Me: k... suggestions? I've often seen listings on craigslist for artists wanting to get together. Another idea that may interest some is a church related group.

Mich: hey could search the net for forums based on their interests, if they aren't a perfect fit, they certainly could form their own group with close friends... maybe a group of moms?

Me: I was in a mom to mom support group when my children were small. It was a complete lifesaver, I was a stay at home mom and it was my only outlet. I wish we had been crafty, but they served a wonderful purpose in my life. I certainly think that if you are a mom who creates then you should be able to find others!

Mich: totally agree! We often attract people with similar interests, or at least creative peeps tend to attract more create peeps. They don't all have to have the same creative interests, they could all do their own craft as long as they are getting together to support each other

We also need to understand that reward cannot come without risk.

Me: Right... reward can't come without risk. So we risk judgment, negativity, attacks each time we create. And if we don't cushion the blow, they keep us blocked. Their attacks stop us dead in our tracks. And we discussed some wonderful and amazing ways to cushion the blow, but let's backtrack a little. WHY do we let these weeds grow? Why do we let the attacks do their damage?

Mich: maybe because we don't know the way to pull the weeds by ourselves? maybe we don't have the right tools? not even sure what the tools would be besides self confidence, and then we're back to HOW do we get the confidence we need. Hmmmm...

Me: Personally speaking, with the support group, some close friends and family who can always be counted on to give their HONEST opinion (and who will help brainstorm to improve any issues), I have a pretty good barrier. However, there are times when the attacks blindside us. Like you were telling me the other day about an instance when someone close to you made a comment, totally out of the blue, and before you knew it, the damage had been done.

I am very well guarded against those crazymakers in my life, but when someone surprising lashes out, my guard is down, and BLAM. Damage done.

Mich: yup.. very often we can get blindsided... the first thing I did was run to you because I knew that you could defuse that negativity and pull that weed. I think we all need to have at least one person in our lives to whom we can run with anything. Knowing where to turn in an instant like that is imperative! If we turn to the wrong person, it could possibly get worse instead of better.

Me: Oh yes! I've had YEARS of turning to the wrong person! What a mess!

So... if we don't HAVE at least that one person, we need to find one. With support groups, forums, etc.

Mich: yes, and in the meantime, it's always a good idea to journal. I never did that much until you encouraged me, but I have learned alot about who I am and what I'm made of through my writing

Me: I think journaling is so important! Like you said, you learn so much about yourself! And really, if you are in a supportive community, you must know who you are so that you have plenty to "bring to the table" as it were

Mich: definitely..if we are lost in a cloud of confusion about who we are, we can't possibly expect to contribute anything worthy

Me: Totally agree! And back to your original comment on my blog about people planting seeds of doubt, then that snowballing into feeling crazy and foolish...

Journal! Get to know yourself. Find out WHY you want to do what you want to do.

Have a support group, with at least one person you can bare your soul to and who will HONOR you.

And always give the same honor and support to those around you. Let them strengthen you, as well as you strengthening them.

I think that these things will keep those weeds from growing.

Mich: Totally agree... it will also allow US to grow at the same time.

Online Vegas

So... I went bowling last night, for the first time in over 5 years. With the first ball, I pulled a muscle in my hip. I was in excruciating pain for the three games we bowled, and performed terribly. I am now nursing a pulled muscle, sitting on a heating pad with my laptop in my lap.

But I'm not bored! I discovered this site where I can play casino games just like the ones in Las Vegas! Here is a list of the games they offer. When trying to pick a favorite, I am torn between the classic slots and the roulette.

If you have ever been to Las Vegas, and enjoyed the casino activities there, you will not be disappointed in this site. You simply bring Vegas to you! If you'd like some background information on casino games, including many helpful how-to's, please see this site.

Online gambling is not without is complications, however. If you have an addiction to gambling, please take care with any sort of gambling. It being online does not make it harmless. If you think you may have a gambling addiction, please go here.

Now, you know what they say... what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas! Here's a preview for a hilarious movie that proves that point to be wrong. The movie is "What Happens in Vegas" with Ashton Kutcher and Cameron Diaz.

Permissions

I am in an examinate mood today. I received a confirmation yesterday from a company who is giving me a shot at freelance writing! It's for a theater group, and I'd be writing for their magazine! I am way beyond thrilled at the prospect of this.

I was talking to a friend, telling him my news, and he said "but can you write?" I looked at him with awe. Writing has been my passion since I could remember. I've had poetry published, have had 2 novels in the works for uh... way too long. Then I thought about it. And how would he know that writing is my passion? I don't talk about it. I've not pursued publishing in at least 5 years.

Then it struck me. Until recently, I had not even granted MYSELF permission to seek freelance writing work. I had not even thought about my abilities in the money-making sense. And without even letting myself in on this big secret (that yes, I can write), of course I had not shared it with anyone else.

I know a lot of people who need to seek permission from those around them for every move they make. I am so glad to not be one of those people! Once I granted myself permission, all that was left was to state my intention and find the work. I have noticed in life, though, that if you state your intention loud enough, the work finds you.

I am onto a new thought process today. Today I am thinking about all the things I've secretly wished into my life... only to be let down. I never talked about it, I never pursued. I never stated my intentions.

I will have a peaceful, calm home. I will be a paid writer (long term). I will finish one of my 2 novels over the next year. I will display my photography at a minimum of6 venues this year (3 already in the works). I will not only give myself permission to do all of these things, but I will help others to learn how to give themselves permission!

Updates

Yesterday was a good day. After being *so* down the day before, I felt almost giddy yesterday, felt so light and carefree. Today I feel pretty good as well. Another side effect of me screwing around with my medications is that I've not been sleeping well lately. So, I'm tired. It will improve.

I have been scouring the internet to find freelance photography and/or writing jobs. I have a couple of good leads on jobs so far, and now I'm asking you. If any of you know of anything out there, please point me in the right direction.

By the way, there are only a few days left for my Buy One Photo, Get One Free sale in my shop. Simply put the free choice in your notes when you purchase!

I hope that you all are well and that you find what you are seeking today.

Back to Self Care

I learned yesterday (again!) what an amazing support group I had. I discovered why I was being my own crazymaker... I had done a self-adjustment of the one med I take. Must've thought I was a doctor or something. But that adjustment was BAD. I hit the lowest of lows yesterday and was ready to cut off all ties with those closest to be just so they didn't need to suffer through my moods.

But like I said, I have an amazing support group. I have wonderful people in my life, and together, I think we can kinda do anything!

Looking back on yesterday... I don't think I gave much at all. I took and I took. I don't feel like my well has been filled because I didn't help anyone. Today I will make sure to give the advice when it's asked of me. I will respond to pleas. And I will continue to take my meds, and will now take a B-Complex a couple times a day till I completely bounce back.

Part of our journey, whatever our particular path may be, is to take good care of ourselves so that we have much to give. Sometimes I struggle with that. I don't get enough sleep, I make bad medication choices. I am now re-committing to getting back on that self-care path.

What self-care have you faltered with? How can I help?

Sometimes I am my own Crazy Maker

A lot of discussion about crazymakers lately. I am in the thick of doing The Artist's Way again, and each time I do the program, so much is revealed to me. Crazymakers are those in your life who constantly spin out of control and make your life a living hell. I equate them to the Tazmanian Devil, spinning around, destroying all near them, or at least attempting to.

I have very good defenses against crazymakers. I journal, I have a good thought process and can identify them very quickly. But most importantly, I have an amazing support system. And the amazing supports in place generally negate all harm a crazymaker can do.

However, there are times (very seldom, thankfully, but it does happen) when I am my own crazymaker. Sometimes, that crazymaker is called PMS. Sometimes it's simply called jealousy, insecurity, exhaustion, or generally being fed up.

Yesterday was one of those times. I trudged onward, I did my work, I went through the motions. But on the inside... I completely felt like my head was going to spin around and I would shoot venom out of my face like in the exorcism movies. I let two people into my head yesterday. Only 2. Two people who I love and trust a great deal.

One of those people completely understood, the other couldn't even comprehend why I was feeling the way I was. But both were amazingly supportive. They both helped me to work through it.

I pride myself in being strong. In having almost impermeable walls. I have amazing self-protection skills, and can work through most things. But when the attacks come from within, it's time to pull from the strength of those around me.

As I re-read that last paragraph, I'm filled with awe. It wasn't too long ago (in the grand scheme of things) where I would have NEVER leaned on another for help with the crazymaker in my head. I would not have wanted to show my vulnerability. Would never have admitted weakness. But I have grown. Amazingly so. And with my new-found strength comes a knowledge that I am not strong on my own at all times.

Sometimes strength means drawing from others. Sometimes it means talking through issues, admitting your weaknesses. Or simply being held while you struggle.

I wish you all well on your journey. Don't forget to lean on those around you. It does not make you weak.

New Roles

This week I am working on my attitude. I am a planner, and when plans get screwed, I have difficulties. Now, if I can understand why plans are not adhered to, I'm better. But my plans are getting tweaked for no reason.

So. I am putting my foot down. Stating my intentions, that this is the last time this particular plan will be changed. I will be mindful of the deadline coming up, and I will work towards it.

I remember in psychology, learning about group dynamics. In every group, there are the same roles. The 'knowing one' (or the cool one), the uncool one, the bully, etc. And when one person leaves that group, another member of the group will fill that role. I think that's part of why I've moved into this role. I used to be the complacent one, but that role has been taken. So I have to step up, may possibly have to move all the way into the bully role.

I should write a book from my experiences the past few years. It has been that interesting. And perhaps I will.

This week, I will start packing. I can see many trips to goodwill in my future. I'm just going to keep on swimming as Dory would say...