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Monday, June 21, 2010

My Diagnosis of MS



When I was pregnant with my 2nd child (who is now 16), I had some crazy symptoms. I would lose all sensation in my legs, falling on my face several times. My mom had died from MS when I was 14, and because of the family link, the doctors always looked towards it.

The symptoms would stop for months at a time, only to pop up again later. Tests were ran, and then I got pregnant with my 3rd son. I put a halt to all tests at that point. I concentrated on my 2 sons that I already had, and the new baby who would be joining us.

I had my youngest son when I was 24, and about 2 years later, was diagnosed with MS. I was at the end of my marriage, and had seen what MS would do to a person. I made the choice to not tell my husband about the diagnosis. I did not want him to stay because I was ill. It seems when you receive a diagnosis such as mine, you make some bad choices. That marriage ended.

A few years later, I chose to tell the boys about my diagnosis. At Disneyland, of all places. It's supposed to be the happiest place on earth, and I tell them their mom is dying. Wow. I was also in a new relationship. With a man who would take good care of me, but who was NOT right to raise my children. So, I moved hours away from my ex. (Becoming the queen of bad choices), and let my ex take care of my boys. Don't get me wrong, he's an excellent dad. And what a job he has done! However, here I was in a losing relationship with someone who "would take care of me" and had lost my main reason to live.

I had gotten married prior to that move. So, I'm away from my children, and in this marriage that I always knew wouldn't work. It has now been 6 years since my diagnosis. The MS was with me each and every day. I knew the steps that were to come, because I had watched mom deteriorate. I was prepared. The boys were in a good place, but it wasn't enough.

I hadn't been to the doctor for follow ups this whole time. I was prepared for the worst. But something told me that I needed to fight. So back to a neurologist I went. A dr. who was well known for his MS treatments. He listened to me chronicle this ugly illness. And he said something that stopped me short "I know MS in all of it's forms, and this does NOT sound like MS to me." So off to an MRI I went.

So, after 6 years, I now learn that I do not have MS. I am not indeed dying. Wow. My life changed again. The marriage was no longer acceptable. I patched my relationship with my boys. I stopped being the queen of bad decisions.

And I learned. I learned that life is worth fighting for. I learned that no matter what label you are given, you can fight it. Life is not about what is thrown at you. Life is about how you deal with it.

7 comments:

giggles'N' rainbows said...

Is there a chapter two in the works? You certainly have me wanting to read more!

Geoff Schutt said...

This is inspiring, Robyn. And through the not-so-good moments, you still came out triumphant -- and a survivor. But better than that, you have followed your heart and your passions -- and you are discovering your dreams and that anything is possible. Kudos to you.

Geoff (and Eleanor)

TheHappySoul said...

(((((((((((SIS)))))))))))

Absolutely agree! I cannot even imagine what that would have been like for you, but I do know that it helped make you into the strong, courageous, outstanding woman that you are!

ardee said...

You never cease to amaze me!!Incredible story of courage and grace. Bad choices? I don't think so, you're were surviving the best way you knew how. xxoo

Anonymous said...

Great post Robyn. When it comes to our health and something is not right, we search for clarity and that usually takes the form of a diagnosis. Your's is perfect example of when the diagnosis muddles instead of clarifies. Stay strong.

Effy said...

Brave, brave, lovely girl.

(((((((((hugs))))))))))

designsbykari said...

((((((((((((((Robyn)))))))))))))))

Wow! What a tremendous sequence of events. It sounds to me that your poor choices were all made with love and to protect those whom you love. Very honorable choices i'd say.

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