I just posted a couple of weeks ago about how we define ourselves. Then last week, I was completely defined by how I felt, or so it seemed. It's very difficult to not get sucked into what we feel physically.
When I look back, I can argue... I was not defined, I still went to work and worked long days every day. But that's not what I mean. I felt absolutely horrible. I was ready to drive off of a bridge. And every breath reflected that. People at work pulled me aside, asking if something bad had happened because I looked so sad.
This time, however, was different. It was like I was separated into separate parts. The largest part was down in the dumps, exhausted, and completely ready to throw in the towel. However, another part was playing detective. It was asking questions....
"Why do you feel this way?" "Is it PMS?" "What was different immediately prior to feeling this way? Diet? Exercise? Daily routine?"
And finding my answers was a little difficult, as it ended up being me going off a medication three WEEKS prior, and the week before being a very busy Spring Break. Exhaustion was easy to excuse. It was the despair that frightened me. And that little detective was not about to let despair win!
I am not sure that the little detective has always been with me. What I am sure about, however, is that he is here now, and I think he plans to stay! Thinking about it, I think he came to be by my introspection... by blogging, talking with people, meditating, journaling... I created him!!! How awesome is that??
When I look back, I can argue... I was not defined, I still went to work and worked long days every day. But that's not what I mean. I felt absolutely horrible. I was ready to drive off of a bridge. And every breath reflected that. People at work pulled me aside, asking if something bad had happened because I looked so sad.
This time, however, was different. It was like I was separated into separate parts. The largest part was down in the dumps, exhausted, and completely ready to throw in the towel. However, another part was playing detective. It was asking questions....
"Why do you feel this way?" "Is it PMS?" "What was different immediately prior to feeling this way? Diet? Exercise? Daily routine?"
And finding my answers was a little difficult, as it ended up being me going off a medication three WEEKS prior, and the week before being a very busy Spring Break. Exhaustion was easy to excuse. It was the despair that frightened me. And that little detective was not about to let despair win!
I am not sure that the little detective has always been with me. What I am sure about, however, is that he is here now, and I think he plans to stay! Thinking about it, I think he came to be by my introspection... by blogging, talking with people, meditating, journaling... I created him!!! How awesome is that??
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2 comments:
It's good to have that little investigative side. It shows you're not just going to be victim to how you feel, but are willing to figure it out. Good for you!
Beautiful pic Robyn and, as always, a very insightful post.
I'm paying forward my Kreative Blogger award to ya. If ya want, stop on by to "pick it up." :)
http://BrigaBauble.blogspot.com
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