I was talking to some friends online yesterday about my grief. I told them I felt like I had concrete boots on and I was just exhausted from trying to move forward. I was resigned to feeling that way for a long time.
But. I have 2 deadlines this week. One for a photo contest, and one for that photography-only show (the show I had talked to Dad about and he had encouraged me like mad). So, I made a list. A very small list, but it got the basics done. I asked for help, and my submissions are being taken in.
That one small move lifted my spirits. It made me realize many things. One, that my grieving won't be done for a very long time, and some days I will cry buckets. Two, that Dad knew me as a very purpose-filled person. He would not want his death to rob me of that.
I did start a Dad journal. With a conversation of sorts... things I want Dad to know, things I'm feeling, dreams I have. I'm getting by, with a little help from my friends.