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Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Ponderings



I've gotten an amazing response from my first round table discussion! The next one will be coming tomorrow. And if you'd like to be part of a future one, please let me know!

I remember that as a teenager, I was very meek and mild, for the most part. Then in my first marriage, I wanted to be superwife and supermom. So, for the first half at least, I bent over backwards to try to please my husband, but I fought like a bear for my kids sake at the same time. Yin and Yang perhaps. When I met my current husband, the boys were all in school, my delusions of marriage were shattered. I was damaged. And, quite honestly, he used that.

I don't even know that it was intentional, but it's true. He came to me disguised as a wounded bird and I set out to fix him. Before I knew it we were married, though my psyche never accepted it (never once remembered our anniversary on the date). We floated through on a co-dependant cloud. I would often question 'how did I get here?'. I wonder if he did as well.

And now, at the very end, he shoves, then he pulls. I keep my arms out so he has to keep his distance (all metaphorically, of course). It's just like a crazymaker with your inner artist. They see you growing, moving on your own, they need to attack in some way to break you a little to bring you crawling back.

I'm done, and I've moved on. And now that I can see clearly, I hope to be more aware in any future relationships.

4 comments:

designsbykari said...

Isn't it a wonderful feeling when you can finally see the light at the end.

You are strong...stronger than he is and you'll prevail.

Charmed Gifts said...

As the cliche goes, 'Hindsight is always 20/20'. Be glad that you can use your hindsight as foresight for others. You have a wonderful gift that shines through when you write. You are able to take the life lessons you've learned the hard way and turn them into lessons others can learn by exploring thier inner selves.

TheHappySoul said...

(((((((((((SIS)))))))))))))) I know that you will understand when I tell you that I can't leave a deep comment this morning. I love you, and thank you for this post. :)

*hugs*

indigo goddess said...

Your true spirit has always been in there. It was what/is there for your children and your art. It's had time to heal and grow and you are now free, just like the spirit that lives inside you. xoxo

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