I've gotten an amazing response from my first round table discussion! The next one will be coming tomorrow. And if you'd like to be part of a future one, please let me know!
I remember that as a teenager, I was very meek and mild, for the most part. Then in my first marriage, I wanted to be superwife and supermom. So, for the first half at least, I bent over backwards to try to please my husband, but I fought like a bear for my kids sake at the same time. Yin and Yang perhaps. When I met my current husband, the boys were all in school, my delusions of marriage were shattered. I was damaged. And, quite honestly, he used that.
I don't even know that it was intentional, but it's true. He came to me disguised as a wounded bird and I set out to fix him. Before I knew it we were married, though my psyche never accepted it (never once remembered our anniversary on the date). We floated through on a co-dependant cloud. I would often question 'how did I get here?'. I wonder if he did as well.
And now, at the very end, he shoves, then he pulls. I keep my arms out so he has to keep his distance (all metaphorically, of course). It's just like a crazymaker with your inner artist. They see you growing, moving on your own, they need to attack in some way to break you a little to bring you crawling back.
I'm done, and I've moved on. And now that I can see clearly, I hope to be more aware in any future relationships.