I was struck by a realization over the weekend. When I wanted so badly to take photos, but at the same time was a little indifferent about whether it would actually happen.
And last week, I had a conversation with online friends about selling on etsy and I kept saying "what's the point".
I've been struggling with "what's the point" since Dad died. What's the point of promoting my products online and selling my creations? What's the point of going out and taking photos (it's not like I can call Dad and we can compare sunrise photos).
Yes, the grieving has hit, and it has hit hard.
I am a smart enough person to keep on carrying on. I know that if I curl up in a ball on my bed then I could very well stay there for awhile. Life does not allow that. So, I'm going to fake it til I make it. I'm going to keep going through every one of the moves until I'm no longer treading against Niagra Falls.
I will honor the grief at the same time... I will talk it through with loved ones, I will cry. But I will also carry on. It just can't consume me. I need to be that driven girl that Dad knew.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Faking It til I Make it
Posted by Robynsart at 5:39 AM
Labels: carrying on, dad, faking it, grief
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3 comments:
Robyn, you were very close to your Dad as I was close to mine. He has been gone almost 4 years and I still miss him terribly. The pain will subside, but I don't think that hole left in my heart will ever go away and even now as I write this there are tears. When I lost my Dad, my life changed forever. He was my anchor and I have been floating without a direction since he has been gone. I still feel his love because he gave me so many wonderful gifts, not things but memories, his spirit, his positive attitude. I miss him so!
Robyn, I admire your strength. I am very close to my Dad as well and he's becoming quite the photographer. I am not looking forward to the day when I will be without him. I can't imagine how I will ever cope with the loss, but I know that I can look to you for inspiration and hope when that time comes.
(((((((((SIS))))))))))))) You are truly AMAZING! You are dealing with everything so much better than most people could even hope to. You've been through sooo much in such a short period of time, and I know that if it was me, I would totally be curled up in that ball. But not you... you keep pushing! Fighting that current all the way to the finish line, and I KNOW that when you finally get to the top of those falls, it will be truly wonderful for you. You will be able to look back and say "I did it, and I'm better because of it." You have a strength that I can only dream of someday having, and your soul is full of sunshine. I know that it may seem like you are filled with cloud and rain right now, but trust me... someday soon, your inner sunshine will cut those clouds, the rain in your heart will stop, and you will be able to smile from your soul once again. Keep on pushing, and don't forget that I'm here to help. I love ya, Sis!
*hugs*
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