I was struck by a realization over the weekend. When I wanted so badly to take photos, but at the same time was a little indifferent about whether it would actually happen.
And last week, I had a conversation with online friends about selling on etsy and I kept saying "what's the point".
I've been struggling with "what's the point" since Dad died. What's the point of promoting my products online and selling my creations? What's the point of going out and taking photos (it's not like I can call Dad and we can compare sunrise photos).
Yes, the grieving has hit, and it has hit hard.
I am a smart enough person to keep on carrying on. I know that if I curl up in a ball on my bed then I could very well stay there for awhile. Life does not allow that. So, I'm going to fake it til I make it. I'm going to keep going through every one of the moves until I'm no longer treading against Niagra Falls.
I will honor the grief at the same time... I will talk it through with loved ones, I will cry. But I will also carry on. It just can't consume me. I need to be that driven girl that Dad knew.