Busy-ness

This week has been really hard. I've been mucking around in grief, and it had a strong hold on me. I was miserable. Until yesterday. Yesterday, I decided that I was going to be happy.

Ok, so I had no idea if it would work. But, for whatever reasons, it did. I miss Dad like crazy. But he would not want me to curl up into a ball and hide away from the world. He would want me to go on. And yesterday, I tried that. I am the type of person who can't stay down for long, so maybe after falling so far, I was due a good day. But perhaps it was simply because of what I had decided.

So, anyway, here's hoping today is the same. I will be happy today. There, it's said.

But what I really wanted to blog about was my need for busy-ness. I meditate occasionally, and can completely be still for that, but that is the only time that I am not busy. It's torture for me to go to the movie theater because I feel NONproductive! I watch movies at home, but my hands are constantly busy. While at work, even when I'm busy working, I'm still popping online and looking for stuff, or uploading things to etsy, or sending out query letters.

And I don't know if that's normal. Recently, on a Sunday, I was just sitting on the couch, zoning out, watching tv. A friend of mine said "that is not like you, what's wrong?" And he was right, I was just zoning because I was overwhelmed at that time... but is it normal to not really be able to relax?

Last weekend, we went on a trip, and I snapped pics the whole day. When we were in friend's homes visiting, I was relaxed and fully enjoyed it. But when in my home, always busy... so... normal?