Yesterday I took the day off of work. I slept in. I thoroughly enjoyed a lazy cup of coffee. I made the sweet journal pictured above. I went out for lunch, I did a lot of thinking. And I made some decisions.
I decided that even though it has been 3 months today since Dad's death, that I needed to stop standing in my own way. I need to stop worrying about "I should be over this by now" and let it flow. I lost a Dad and a friend rolled into one. Of course I will continue to grieve. I will stop punishing myself for doing so.
The time will come when I have all the good memories and very little of the stinging pain. And when that day comes, I will welcome it with open arms. But for now, I will allow myself to feel the grief, it is absolutely OK to be sad and to miss a wonderful man.
My talk to myself would have been altogether different had my grief been holding me back from being productive, but remember how I was going to fake it til I make it? That is serving me well. I know enough to trudge through the day to day, and even to strive to do more.
So... grieving continues, and that is alright. Tears may come and that's ok too. The other day someone said a joke that sounded just like Dad's jokes and I laughed and laughed. That was a good feeling. It *will* happen again... maybe not today, but it will happen.