Monday, March 1, 2010

Lessons from Death

I've written posts on the things I've learned from Dad. But today I'd like to share a few things I've learned from Dad's death. During the several days I was in Utah for the funeral, when I was surrounded by extended family, I learned that everyone grieves in different ways. No two ways of grieving are the same and one isn't right over the other. Some cry, some scream, some hit. At the core, they are grieving.

I learned that when I am grieving, I prefer to do it alone or with one person I love. I have always been "the strong one", but I realized with Dad's death that I'm just private. And being private leaves room to seem strong.

I learned that all of my "walking on eggshells" for other people's feelings ends when I'm exhausted from grieving. This one's hard to explain, but suffice it to say there's one family member who was getting treated with kid gloves, sometimes at other's expense. But I no longer have the energy for all that.

I learned that people around me get tired of the sadness and sometimes I just have to put on a happy face. I've also learned that with a dad as wonderful as mine, sometimes that happy face comes on it's own, when remembering his jokes or just his love.

I've learned from talking to others that grieving could take a long while. And I've learned that I will always miss him.


TheHappySoul said...

(((((((((SIS)))))))))) You are one of the strongest and smartest women that I have ever met. I'm so glad that you are able to take good things away from this experience, and that you are allowing yourself to grieve however you need to, and learn at the same time. I'm so proud of you, and I love you.


Mary said...


Excellent post. Yes, we each grieve in our own way. I often just feel like there's a hole in my heart...a place that can never be refilled. I also am a strong and private person.

Yes, you will always miss your Dad, but as time passes the pain will ease and the memories and laughter will take over.

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

designsbykari said...

You're each their own. Whoa re we to suggest which was is right.

I'm glad you've been able to laugh and smile with memories of your dad. Those opportunities are priceless.

Natasha said...

Oh ...I am sending you the warmest hug I can imagine. I haven't been here for awhile - forgive me. I'm so sorry about your Dad..yes you will always miss him but you are learning one of the hardest things right turn pain into something beautiful..and in sharing that you not only share your own amazing beauty you share the beauty of your Dad. What an extraordinary gift...much love and many hugs to you..please keep writing and know I'm here

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