Looking back

Yesterday I blogged about looking forward... forward to the new year and new plans. Today I will write about looking back. 2009 was an extremely challenging year in so many ways. It was an uphill struggle much of the time. But, on the eve of my birthday (seems, always an inventory time for me), I know that while I'm still trudging up that hill, I am almost at the top, and the view is going to be the most glorious that I've seen.



I don't remember a time when I wasn't thankful for adversity. I have always known that the difficulties that I have to fight and claw my way out of have molded me to be the person I am. I simply wouldn't be ME without having gone through all of it.



I was talking to my dad a few months ago, and he made a comment about how he doesn't know how I survived being raised by my grandparents. That I had to tolerate things no-one should. His statement shocked me. I knew they were harsh, and very hard on us kids, but they provided for us. We never went without food, clothes, shelter. They were violent at times, but I was always thankful for all they did. My 2 brothers and I were basically dropped off there when I was 5. Not dropped off in the sense you are thinking. My mom was dropped off there too (her friend had driven us across country), and she had MS. Prior to our arrival, my grandparents were getting ready to retire and start traveling-- their lifelong dream. However, mom was soon bedridden and they had to get us through school. I'm sorry to say they never traveled. So I saw their great sacrifice. I didn't consider them to be as bad as everyone else did. I am thankful for them.



So, as I look back on 2009, the largest thing I see is the end of my marriage. The official end will be in early 2010, but the end came in 2009. I have to be thankful for that as well. I have learned so many things about myself through this marriage. I won't expand on this, as I am still in it. But I am thankful for adversity.