What's going on with me

About a year and a half ago, I went to my primary care physician for allergies. She did a basic exam on me and found an enlargement in my thyroid. This is how it all began. I had an ultrasound, and was found to have a multi-nodular goiter. Thyroid function is normal, so it was not alarming to me or my doctor.

Fast forward to a couple of months ago. New insurance, new doctor, and they wanted to test everything, so I went in for a complete blood panel. Still, thyroid function is normal. All bloodwork looked fine. But, a referral to an endocrinologist was ordered.

So, October 7, I went to the endocrinologist. He suggested a fine needle biopsy. He stuck 4 needles into the lumps, and told me that there might be some soreness for up to a week. That's when the problems began. I was tough through the biopsy. Nothing to numb my throat, but I made it through.

I cannot begin to describe the pain and discomfort I have felt since that biopsy. There was bruising, and that went away. But after the bruising, came a constant 'lump in my throat' feeling. And an ache that is with me constantly. Many days it's so uncomfortable that I'm in tears.

And here's where the weirdness comes in. A side effect has been difficulty with expressing myself. I've had reiki done on my throat chakra. Still, it is with me constantly. A heaviness and pain in my throat. And at most times, the tears are just around the corner. I'm not a crier, though, so I fight that off. I do not like feeling vulnerable. I do not like weakness... in my self, anyway.

Oh, the endocrinologist sent me an email saying he did not get enough cells to test, but he was not going to worry about it, and he will check it again in 3 months. That was fine, until all the pain. So, I'm going back to see him next Monday. And at times, I think it's all in my head. But, the pain is somewhat dulled with Excedrin... I only take that about every 3rd day though, I don't like taking stuff for pain.

There is a possible thyroidectomy in my future... or perhaps some psychotherapy is in order??? I'm at a loss here. I don't feel like I am myself. And sometimes, I wonder if I will ever return to feeling like myself.