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Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Ahhhh the crazymakers!


There was a comment left on yesterday's post. About dealing with those who publically cheer you on, yet do all they can to cause you to fail. Ahhhhh, the crazymakers. Crazymakers have come in most every form in my life. I currently have one major one (for a little longer), but have some others ready to hop in and wreak havoc anytime they think my guard is down.

One way of dealing with crazymakers is to cut them out of your life altogether. Not always do-able. So, protection is the key. Don't let them in on your plans. The cheerleader crazy maker, I think would be very effective, because who doesn't want a cheerleader. So you share your achievements, you go to them with each accomplishment. They jump up and down with you, squealing with delight at the amazing turn of events. Then they undermine silently.

So... don't share. All you will be missing out on is some fake squealing and some jumping. Let's say the cheerleader is your little sister. You can't exclude her from your life. Not if you want to remain in the will (ha ha), all kidding aside, you love your little sister and want her in your life. So, tell her if you make a wonderful meal. Tell her about a date, or what your children did (whatever applies here). But protect your dreams and accomplishments. Don't give her reason to show her inner crazy maker. Your relationship does not have to be such a guarded one forever. You will get to where you tell her in no uncertain terms that such behavior will not be tolerated by you.

Until you do, though, you'll want to have protected yourself from them. In the past, I did just that. I had an intense cheerleader crazy maker. And I realized that though this person was jumping up and down with me, squealing with delight, many other areas were being attacked. I began feeling overworked and resentful. And I stopped working on my goals.

At one point, I cut off all ties. That made us both miserable. I didn't feel strong enough to just protect my goals, though, so I cut myself off. That lasted about a week before I was cornered. And I simply said "I don't like who I am around you". Perhaps I could've chosen better. But I'm very non-confrontational and being cornered shocked me. So, she went away very hurt and angry, and I felt guilty. Part of her crazymaking? Perhaps. But they don't always see what they are doing, so I'm sure she really was hurt.

I was able to (a few days later) approach her on my terms, explain what I meant, and start fresh on my terms. I did not want to exclude this person from my life altogether. So I showed her what I felt she was doing, and gave her the option to correct it or not.

And the ball was in her court. We are still friends, by the way.

What do you do to deal with crazymakers?

12 comments:

ardee said...

Great post, Robyn. We all have them in our lives, the crazymakers! The key I think is to realize your dreams are your own and can't always be shared, sharing them sometimes weakens their power. Your true friends follow you silently and are just there when you need them.

Rebecca said...

Insightful post Robyn. I agree with ardee... 'your dreams are your own and can't always be shared.' Though, it can be difficult not to share when you are overflowing with excitement about your progress or accomplishments. It's good to always have a trusted friend on stand-by. One that you know will support your excitement properly and respectfully.

TheHappySoul said...

Ooooh, crazymakers! I'm sure that if each and every one of us looked hard enough, we would have at least 1 or 2 of them in our lives. Boy oh boy can they drag you down. I went years without a true friend by my side to share my dreams with, and because of it, my dreams never developed. They always got pushed to the wayside in order to make room for everyone else's needs and wants. Well, not any more! I have found the absolute best friend in the world, and with her help and support all of my dreams WILL come true! I have learned how to balance the needs of the people around me along with my own needs, and I think that may be one of the biggest hurdles. We all need to do some soul searching, find what it is that makes us truly happy, and go for it! We cannot even attempt to be a happy wife, mother, or friend until we do.

*hugs*

ABCcreativity said...

love this robyn.
i find when i get really clear on the inside about what i will and will not tolerate in my life, the crazymaking (and anything else i don't want in my life) fades away.
also, that inner clarity and certainty guides me in what to say and when to say it to let the person know what they are doing is not ok for me. yes that can be very hard at times but being quiet and accepting this insanity in my life is much harder in the long run.

Anonymous said...
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kevin said...

I had to realize for myself the importance of my dreams, and goals.I no longer have to have anyone confirm, or validate them. I choose my friends cautiously, and if they start the crazy making they are instantly and permanently discarded!.......I have myself to make me crazy as need be!

Miss Meliss said...

Hey Robyn!!! So glad to see your name this morning! :) Thanks for your art love - I owe much gratitude to Suzi Blu...she's a kick butt teacher!!

The crazymakers - ah, what a subject. Personally, I have put most of those people out of my life. But it was more than just undermining me - lying, game playing, story telling, talking stuff behind my back, drama, telling other people private stuff about me. Now, I do have people in my life still that can make me crazy, but that's mostly just annoyances than out to get me stuff. For me, I have this thing about being authentic - I have a very hard time being not me around people that I cannot be me around...does that make sense? If I have to hide things in the relationship, than the relationship isn't for me. If I have to protect myself from someone, than they don't need to be around. It's like having a bottle of poison sitting in my fridge and then saying to myself, "Don't drink that poison." For me, there's too much chance that I'd get up in the middle of the night, half asleep and drink that darn poison. I'm also a lil fighter and proud of it. I don't like to tell people off, but I will if I'm forced to.

It's a difficult position to be. And you're right - they have little knowledge that they're being so destructive. It's sad really that they're so messed up inside.

Wishing you peace inside so that you can deal with the crazy outside.

~magick~
Melissa

designsbykari said...

I have crazymakers and I tend to others before me. I lecture my mom about it all the time! I'm learning to take care of me. It's a process though.

giggles'N' rainbows said...

Robyn,

I am so glad that my comments on yesterdays blog prompted today’s subject. I needed to read your word and the comments on today’s blog.
In the past my dreams have always been put on hold or shoved aside as unimportant in the big picture. I listened and told myself… “You have much more important things you should be doing”. The long and the short is there was NO time for me or my dreams….I became less than a person, sad, lonely depressed. Because parts of me were dying; in my opinion the best parts…. Once I started painting, creating, thinking of new projects… a spark agitated …Now I can’t stop! I realized that this is me…and I must express me to be happy.
Thank you Robyn, and those that made comments…. I will consider them thoughtfully…..
My crazymakers will not win this battle again!

lostsentiments said...

Eesh - reminds me of my rpior co-workers. For some reason they adopted me intotheir "clique" and when it was time for me to put in my notice, they said they were happy for me but were full of threats that I MUST stay in touch, can't bail on them, etc. But really, I never understood why, this pushed me much further away from them, as I was not ab out to be controlled and I haven't been in contact since. The no contact is fine, but there is that chance that someday I may run into them in a store or something and I can't imagine what that scenerio may bring.

eh, crazymakers - ;) makes me also reflect on myself and if I do this for anyone I know, I'm not exempt. :)

I agree with kari - it's a process. Each one of us needs ot bring our dreams to the forefront adn find our different places and even people to draw encouragement from on the way - no man is an island, we definately need one another.

Thank you for sharing robyn~!

Robynsart said...

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k8elynne said...

Robyn,
You have perfect timing, and subject. Sisters, lol. Just what my husband is dealing with! My personal crazy maker is my mother, she always nags me and tells me how silly my goals are, or when i've already done something theres always disapproval. Its really hard, but I've learned to tell her less, mainly to keep our relationship. it's definatly a process!!!

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