I took this photo at work last week. This is the barn outside of our gate, visible from our office. It has been leaning for years, then last Wednesday the wind picked up and it blew over. Even in this stage, it is beautiful. As soon as I knew it had fallen, all I wanted to do was go take photos of it. Judging from the condition the barn has been in for years with no attention, I think the owners of the property (if they are even still around) will let it go back to the earth. I am looking forward to documenting that process as well.
The barn could have been saved. With a bit of basic care and maintenance. It wouldn't last forever, but it could have had many more years. We are like that... our relationships are like that. Me, on the cusp of divorce talking about how a relationship could have been saved with care and maintenance? Yep. My marriage is no exception. It certainly could have been saved. But that would not have been the best choice for either of us.
Bouncing around a bit here... good relationships deserve care and maintenance. Nurture them. Relationships that are innately against your grain need to be weeded out. If it is sucking you dry, and giving nothing back, changes need to be made. It's as simple as that. Now, whether you then maintain and care for them or weed them out is for your soul to decide. But all relationships deserve one or the other. Nurture or weed.
I have had a handful of good "girlfriends" in my life. The Air Force "weather wives" when I lived in Idaho... my friend Michelle in Alaska. Aside from that, I stick to myself. However, now, I have an amazing group of women friends online. My soul sister, a hemp artist who is branching out; A, the most amazing photographer I know; K, a baker with lots of hidden talents; so many more. And yesterday we were brainstorming. Tossing around ideas. Helping one another out. Filling one another's wells. It was amazing. Yesterday this group and I decided to nurture.
About weeding though... perhaps it's painful. But if your motives are pure and you are taking all into consideration, then by all means weed. That doesn't mean get a flame thrower out and destroy all in your path. It means gently remove the part (the person, group, etc) that isn't working. Be very careful to honor them at the same time. Do no harm. It is not easy, trust me I would know. I'm sure I'll write more about this topic as I move through it completely.
For today... just think about it as you run across people. Nurture or weed.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Nurture or Weed
Posted by Robynsart at 5:29 AM
Labels: relationships
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9 comments:
Man, have I got weeds. Although I like your flame thrower idea, I agree, gentle is probably the best bet.
The barn is beautiful! In my mind, the moss covered roof hints at something mystical.
You are so right on today! There is no in between when it comes to relationships... they are either healthy and need nurturing, or they are destructive, and need weeding out. The hardest part for me is figuring out how to weed without causing harm. Limiting my exposure seems to work well, but sometimes, the best answer is to simply be blunt and cut ties. There are people who don't even realize that they are doing harm, and they won't understand until we open their eyes to it.
The nurturing that I have found in our group of friends is something that I will cherish forever. Never in my life have I found a more supportive, loving, amazing group of people, and they enlighten me on a daily basis. YOU are the true sunshine in my life, though! YOU open my eyes to who I am, where I can go, and the great things that I have available to me. Without you, my life would be empty and undirected, and I thank you for being the absolute BEST soul sister a girl could ever ask for.
*hugs*
I have to agree with Mich on this one, this group has given me some of my best friends. I've never really had that "one" girlfriend over the years, all of my friends had a prior go-to person, and I was always left alone. This group is awesome for me in that sense, that everyone is always there for you!
On the other side, I'm a flame thrower when it comes to ending relationships..oops. Well I just walk away I guess.
Beautiful blog today, Robyn. You are an amazing, insightful person who anyone would be blessed to call, "friend". Our thread has been a Godsend to me as I was about to give up finding my place on Etsy. All of you have made me feel important, talented and worthy of continuing my dream of sharing my art with the world. I grew up not feeling very special or talented and it's nice to feel like I am both of those things. Yes, I've sold lots of jewelry, but usually anonymously as I always felt if people knew I made it, they would no longer want it. Silly I know, but true. Etsy and you have helped to change that. Thanks!!
Great post Robyn. Leave it to me to find the tween of nuturing or weeding. I plant them in someone elses garden. I guess that would be a form of weeding.
Robyn, you are truly an insightful person. There is one drawback to your theory - blood. There are people in our lives that are poison, yet cannot be weeded from our garden. That is my struggle. Because of who that person is, there is also obligation. No matter which why I turn, there is nothing that will change this relationship. She has always been and always will be a thorn on my rose bush.
Powerful Robyn! I've never consciencely viewed it that way. I've been through a few 'weeding processes', and have always wondered what would have happened if I tried a little harder. With your words, I can see that I would have used every last ounce of energy trying harder for the relationship while my very self crumbled to pieces. Thank you, everyday, for your insightfulness, and for your willingness to take the time to share.
This is amazing, but instead of digging deep drawing on how it makes me feel, and commenting those feelings. I’m going to think, think about the people in my life and ask myself if I want to Nature or Weed. Maybe there are a few weeds that I need to pull also.
In some ways I think I overwater some relationships, in that I keep in better contact with my friends than vice versa.. is this a bad thing? - been contemplating that... maybe they are the ones I need to let go of a bit..
The area I am in is much different from where I grew up, peoples values are different and deep meaningful friendships no one seems to have time for. They say, "oh we should get together soon" months later, hasn't happened. IT's frustrating for me. I'm huge on spending quality time with people BUT I'm really picky as to who I let too close.
For now, no one comes ot mind to nurture... weeding though... maybe..
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